Full Heart

June 6-12

Lived


- This past week has been pretty busy. I can't quite go into detail about it yet on the off chance that Camille might read this post. I have seriously spent almost everyday texting the amazing Shana Hudson planning what i think will be the most beautiful bridal shower ever!


-Leighton and i went to work a couple of days last week and spent a lot of time with Teisha. It has been so nice having a friend and someone to hang out with. I will have to admit i will be very sad when Teisha finds a job. 

- Sarah and I drove down to Logandale for a couple of days and hung out with the family. Saturday we went on a shopping spree extravaganza. Seriously it was so cool it needed that cool of a name. Lets just say we all went with lists, and we left with lists plus a ton more. I got some sweet new running shorts, a sweet water bottle and an awesome breast pump. (Can you tell i'm a mom now?) Seriously if you listen to anything i give advice on listen to this all you future milk cows out there. Buy a super duper breast pump by medela. I tried to go the cheap route and ended up giving into the medela super pumper two "cheap" pumps later. 

 (Dad slept on the couch so Sarah could sleep in his bed. spoiled much?)

We celebrated fathers day while we were in Logandale too. It was so nice to spend the day with my Dad. Sometimes he doesn't think so, but he sure is the best Dad. He has four daughters and knows how to get along and bond with every one. He has something special that he has done with each of us. When i was younger i use to go to every race with him. One time we even drove back east and back in a huge truck i got to see so many things he really made me feel welcome and enjoyed when we hung out with all the racers. I know with Sarah my dad really got into the horses and helping her with her pagents and learning to ride. Now that i am older my dad reminds me constantly of how proud of me he is and how much he enjoys seeing me as a wife and a mother. It is something special to know how much your father loves you and that he is proud of you. I love my dad so much. I am so grateful for his love, sense of humor, and for the amazing father he is to not only me but to my husband and the wonderful grandfather he is to Leighton. I know that my dad is the best because he would do absolutely anything for any one of us and truly wants the best for all of us.

 

 (Kaden got a sweet hair cut)

Learned


- I am totally out of shape! I know i probably talk about this so much more than anyone wants to hear but my body is pretty important to me and not just being thin, but being healthy. I try so hard to eat right, and to work out and when i don't see results it is very discouraging. I lost my baby weight very quickly, my baby fat not so much. Yes, there is a difference, if you have ever been pregnant you know what i am talking about. The scale might say 130 (sorry for posting weight, don't judge. i may want to remember in the future.) but my stomach pouch that i have never had before and the back rolls that i have to hide with my cardigans definitely don't say pre-prego goodness. I have been pushing/wannabe running with Leighton in her regular stroller, i have given in and bought a jogger yet partly because she isn't old enough and my stroller has pretty good suspension so I'm not too worried. This hole working out with baby thing though has not done much for me. I know i am just complaining but i am very irritated by the fact that 3 months ago just a couple days before i had Leighton i was able to run a mile and now here i am 3 months later and get excited when i can go a mile and half without stopping. Pathetic? I think so.


- As i continue on with summer school every day i ask myself, what is this for? Why am i going to school when i have the most beautiful girl at home to just love and play with. I know why i am going to school, i believe in receiving an education and know that there is a reason for me to become a teacher. I use to think that becoming a teacher would be the most important thing i could ever do in my life to help others. Everyday for the past 11 weeks and 5 days i have been proven wrong. The very most important thing i could ever do in this life to help others is be a mother. Leighton teaches me the most simple yet amazing of things every moment i spend with her and i know that this awe inspiring little girl will one day go on to be some great in this world.

Loved


- My heart has honestly felt so heavy this week. It started with church last Sunday which i hope i already posted about, but if not... It was one of those Sundays where the spirit was so unbelievably strong and i had very specific things on my mind. For some reason lately i have really felt the love of those who have already passed on. I think that this is really because of Leighton. Every night i pray that she might be surrounded by love and that she will grow to be healthy and strong and that i may know how to raise her the way i am supposed to. With all of this that i pray for her i think the blessings of it can not be done by me, but by those who only she has seen so recently. I was talking to my mom about some of these feelings i have had the other day and she showed me this.


“I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. … We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors … who have preceded us into the spirit world. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we can not break. … If this is the case with us in our finite condition, surrounded by our mortal weaknesses, … how much more certain it is … to believe that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond … can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them. … We live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; … their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves.” <sup>- Joseph F. Smith


This was actually from this talk, by President Richard G. Scott, but how amazing is that!? I felt like it really proved exactly what i had been thinking. All the amazing people who i have loved and have loved me who are no longer with me are still around me, everyday. Supporting me, guiding me, and loving me. I feel like even more than me, they are guiding Leighton. I strongly believe that the veil is thin and even more so for Leighton. When she stares off and is smiling and talking to what seems like herself i wonder who is there. Some times i think i know, and yes i think i am probably usually right. So many wonderful people who have taught me how to live and love and grow are now doing the same for my wonderful daughter but from the other side. If you do not have the same beliefs as me i am sure this must all sound very strange. I know for myself though that this is so real and these feelings have been swelling in my heart. Partly because i have been reading this blog. If you haven't please do. If you are a mother, and probably even if you aren't be prepared to cry. But also be prepared to learn and to feel. This woman has a very tragic story to tell but a wonderful message to share. Her sister in law is one of my parents neighbors and a dear friend and example to me. I am so grateful that she shared this blog. It will forever be something i love to read.</sup>