A Bright Light for Christmas

This year has been crazy in so many ways. When i look back at it i honestly can't believe it is almost over and that so much fit into one year. I feel like emotionally and mentally this has been my biggest growing year. I spent most of my time wallowing in my thoughts and struggling with ppd, not understanding how big my problem really was or that i could find help for it. I started seeking help about two months ago and honestly the peace it has brought to my life already seems unreal. 

The Christmas season has always been special to me. My love language is gift giving for sure. Is that a love language? I love receiving and giving the same. Partly because shopping could be my love language too but i truly enjoy gifting or serving or seeing someone light up because of something i gave or did. So much of Christmas is about that. This year though i have realized an even deeper reason for my love of the holiday.

As i have been working on finding myself and learning how to recognize what is truly me and what is just a thought, one thing has been very evident. So much of who i am is my family. I define myself by them. Mainly my husband and my daughters but my parents and sisters as well. I am nothing if not for my family so really family is my everything. Christmas has always been the one holiday that we are all together for, that we get along on, and try our best to show each other how much we care.

Now that Leighton is old enough to understand Christmas i have made a huge effort to start traditions with her and teach her about the true meaning of the holiday. While teaching Leighton about our savior and his birth i have thought a lot about his mother. I know so little about Mary but i wonder if we all know more than we realize. Sometimes i look at Emersyn and think she is as close to the perfect baby as it gets. Did Christ cry less than her? Did he cuddle his mother more? Did Mary never have to leave the market mortified because of something her two year old did? 

Thoughts like that make me giggle but really even if Mary's son did something he wasn't supposed to, Mary probably was patient and understanding and a great teacher. I have tried so hard to be that way lately. Honestly the peace I have felt between Leighton, Emersyn and me has been extraordinary. There is something so special between us and I am so grateful for this season and the bright light is has brought back into my life.