Timing

If you follow the blog then you know so much change has happened in my life and i have been feeling the load of it lately. I am feeling better, talking about it has been great and feed back has been putting things into perspective. Although my personal trials are small right now i realize, time alone can not heal all things but know that the Lord can. I have learned this lesson so many times and yet it still surprises me over and over again. Kaden and I have witnessed our fare share of trials in our short 5 years together. We have helped others who have gone through truly tragic events and have always thought of our selves as blessed. 

You may already know this, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. Before i became pregnant with Leighton i had a very hard time getting pregnant. I was really young when I went off birth control and assumed if we are meant to have a baby we better not do anything to prevent it. Secretly i wished every month that i was pregnant. I don't even want to know how much money i spent on those dang tests. My 19 year old self could not have ever known the beauty that the Lord had planned for me years down the road. I like to thank a very long time on Clomid and lots of healthy eating and exercise for my fertility finally kicking in but really i know it is much more than that. There was a point that i felt like giving up, after having a miscarriage, i felt like i had lost my chance and that being a mother would come much later on in life, maybe when we could afford more expensive fertility treatments or adoption. 

I felt like that was the hardest thing i had ever gone through, and probably still is. It was such a spiritual awakening to me. I carried a child that wasn't ready to come to earth, or maybe didn't need to. I felt angels surrounding me and The Lord's presence in my life so strongly. If i was supposed to have a baby it would happen on the Lord's time. 

Clearly i have children now. I have two beautiful miracle babies. A few months after my miscarriage I became pregnant with Leighton, I even was in a car accident during that time and was told i had lost her, I didn't. The Lord blessed us with her when she was supposed to come. Her life brought happiness into our lives and into others who needed it. During the time that i was pregnant with her Kaden and I were being prepared to be parents, we grew closer in a way we never could have if our first child was born. I was and still am constantly reminded of the Lord's timing and that everything comes down to following his will.