Full Heart

June 6-12

Lived


- This past week has been pretty busy. I can't quite go into detail about it yet on the off chance that Camille might read this post. I have seriously spent almost everyday texting the amazing Shana Hudson planning what i think will be the most beautiful bridal shower ever!


-Leighton and i went to work a couple of days last week and spent a lot of time with Teisha. It has been so nice having a friend and someone to hang out with. I will have to admit i will be very sad when Teisha finds a job. 

- Sarah and I drove down to Logandale for a couple of days and hung out with the family. Saturday we went on a shopping spree extravaganza. Seriously it was so cool it needed that cool of a name. Lets just say we all went with lists, and we left with lists plus a ton more. I got some sweet new running shorts, a sweet water bottle and an awesome breast pump. (Can you tell i'm a mom now?) Seriously if you listen to anything i give advice on listen to this all you future milk cows out there. Buy a super duper breast pump by medela. I tried to go the cheap route and ended up giving into the medela super pumper two "cheap" pumps later. 

 (Dad slept on the couch so Sarah could sleep in his bed. spoiled much?)

We celebrated fathers day while we were in Logandale too. It was so nice to spend the day with my Dad. Sometimes he doesn't think so, but he sure is the best Dad. He has four daughters and knows how to get along and bond with every one. He has something special that he has done with each of us. When i was younger i use to go to every race with him. One time we even drove back east and back in a huge truck i got to see so many things he really made me feel welcome and enjoyed when we hung out with all the racers. I know with Sarah my dad really got into the horses and helping her with her pagents and learning to ride. Now that i am older my dad reminds me constantly of how proud of me he is and how much he enjoys seeing me as a wife and a mother. It is something special to know how much your father loves you and that he is proud of you. I love my dad so much. I am so grateful for his love, sense of humor, and for the amazing father he is to not only me but to my husband and the wonderful grandfather he is to Leighton. I know that my dad is the best because he would do absolutely anything for any one of us and truly wants the best for all of us.

 

 (Kaden got a sweet hair cut)

Learned


- I am totally out of shape! I know i probably talk about this so much more than anyone wants to hear but my body is pretty important to me and not just being thin, but being healthy. I try so hard to eat right, and to work out and when i don't see results it is very discouraging. I lost my baby weight very quickly, my baby fat not so much. Yes, there is a difference, if you have ever been pregnant you know what i am talking about. The scale might say 130 (sorry for posting weight, don't judge. i may want to remember in the future.) but my stomach pouch that i have never had before and the back rolls that i have to hide with my cardigans definitely don't say pre-prego goodness. I have been pushing/wannabe running with Leighton in her regular stroller, i have given in and bought a jogger yet partly because she isn't old enough and my stroller has pretty good suspension so I'm not too worried. This hole working out with baby thing though has not done much for me. I know i am just complaining but i am very irritated by the fact that 3 months ago just a couple days before i had Leighton i was able to run a mile and now here i am 3 months later and get excited when i can go a mile and half without stopping. Pathetic? I think so.


- As i continue on with summer school every day i ask myself, what is this for? Why am i going to school when i have the most beautiful girl at home to just love and play with. I know why i am going to school, i believe in receiving an education and know that there is a reason for me to become a teacher. I use to think that becoming a teacher would be the most important thing i could ever do in my life to help others. Everyday for the past 11 weeks and 5 days i have been proven wrong. The very most important thing i could ever do in this life to help others is be a mother. Leighton teaches me the most simple yet amazing of things every moment i spend with her and i know that this awe inspiring little girl will one day go on to be some great in this world.

Loved


- My heart has honestly felt so heavy this week. It started with church last Sunday which i hope i already posted about, but if not... It was one of those Sundays where the spirit was so unbelievably strong and i had very specific things on my mind. For some reason lately i have really felt the love of those who have already passed on. I think that this is really because of Leighton. Every night i pray that she might be surrounded by love and that she will grow to be healthy and strong and that i may know how to raise her the way i am supposed to. With all of this that i pray for her i think the blessings of it can not be done by me, but by those who only she has seen so recently. I was talking to my mom about some of these feelings i have had the other day and she showed me this.


“I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. … We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors … who have preceded us into the spirit world. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we can not break. … If this is the case with us in our finite condition, surrounded by our mortal weaknesses, … how much more certain it is … to believe that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond … can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them. … We live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; … their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves.” <sup>- Joseph F. Smith


This was actually from this talk, by President Richard G. Scott, but how amazing is that!? I felt like it really proved exactly what i had been thinking. All the amazing people who i have loved and have loved me who are no longer with me are still around me, everyday. Supporting me, guiding me, and loving me. I feel like even more than me, they are guiding Leighton. I strongly believe that the veil is thin and even more so for Leighton. When she stares off and is smiling and talking to what seems like herself i wonder who is there. Some times i think i know, and yes i think i am probably usually right. So many wonderful people who have taught me how to live and love and grow are now doing the same for my wonderful daughter but from the other side. If you do not have the same beliefs as me i am sure this must all sound very strange. I know for myself though that this is so real and these feelings have been swelling in my heart. Partly because i have been reading this blog. If you haven't please do. If you are a mother, and probably even if you aren't be prepared to cry. But also be prepared to learn and to feel. This woman has a very tragic story to tell but a wonderful message to share. Her sister in law is one of my parents neighbors and a dear friend and example to me. I am so grateful that she shared this blog. It will forever be something i love to read.</sup>

Just the past few weeks

May 15- June 6

Lived

- Now that it's been over a week since my last post I literally can't remember what I did in the past 3 weeks. I started working again, I started Leighton on a sleep schedule and I have been outside whenever it isn't windy. Besides that not a lot has happened.

Hanging out at the day care

trying out the swaddle again

going for walks the right way

- Sarah went to the Dominican Republic a few weeks ago working in a health clinic. It was so neat to hear all about what she did and now I am praying Kaden will have an opportunity to be part of Rural Health Scholars and to go on one of these trips.

- Leighton and I went back down to the valley on Friday the 18 and made a little pit stop on our way at GAP. I pretty much scored. Then Saturday we went and watched Graces dance recital, which was adorable, and went to Randy and Ariel's wedding. It was nice to see some friends from high school and catch up a little. Sunday night we had a little birthday party for Sarah at my parents and had the Hymas family, Joe and Tosh and Bryce and Grandma Handy over. It was fun to spend time with everyone and hear all about Sarah's trip. Leighton got passed around quite a bit and soaked up some sun watching Caiden, Mason and Pierce play in the little water that was filling up in the pool. We must have been having fun because we totally missed the eclipse. Thank goodness for instagram because I saw my share of eclipse pictures.

Happy Birthday Sarah

Leighton with Auntie Katie

The many faves of Pierce

- Kyle and Jessica and the girls came up for part of the weekend a couple weeks ago. It was fun to be able to see the girls so much. Leighton thinks they are all pretty entertaining and they absolutely love her. 

This was Leighton after her first set of vaccinations 

(i really don't want to talk about how horrible they were)

Learned

- I finally went and met with my advisor which was really good. She convinced me to not quit now on my major. It may take me awhile to finally graduate ( class of 2014) I might cry if I dwell on that too much. But I hardly have any credits left and I will have lots of time to spend with Leighton. I started my summer classes and to my surprise they are so much easier to me. It's nice when I find my potential to learn and can see for myself that I'm able to focus on my classes still.

- I feel like I have really learned the past few weeks the importance of attending church each Sunday. I gone every week since Kaden started this horrible shift that makes him work Sundays. Going alone with Leighton isnt hard, it's going and feeling the spirit and learning of the gospel knowing Kaden isn't able to hear what I am or feel what I feel because he is at work. I never realized before what a special thing it is to attend church as a family. After Sarah got back from her trip I really felt strongly that Kaden needed to become part of this group,it offers everything that he hopes to do and seems absolutely perfect for him. In order to join though Kaden will need to be able to focus on school and to focus on school he will have to quit his job. So the plan is... Spring of 2013 we will both be full time students. It will be totally crazy but completely worth it.

he is such a hard worker but

this job cannot be healthy for him. 

Loved

- I have finally found some friends! This is pretty much an act of God, I have lived here in Cedar for 2 1/2 years and finally have girls to hang out with. We have done a girls day twice now and hopefully will this week too. Teisha and Courtney are so laid back and we seriously can all talk for hours. The fist time we hung out we went to Lunch at the All American Diner and stayed until dinner so we had our husbands come meet us and they ate dinner. It was pretty funny when we realized we were there for almost 5 hours.

Leighton about 4 hours in to our first girls day.

- I have also loved being back to work and starting my classes. I feel like I am accomplishing something everyday now and for some reason the busier I am the easier it is to get things done. Even with little Leighton taking up my time I still fit everything I need to do in.

- Of course I love my time with Leighton. It's such a blessing that I can take her to work with me. She does so good and I feel like it is good for her to already get some interaction with other babies. I worry about her being antisocial or for being social to be something that doesn't come easily for her. Yes she is only 11 weeks old and I already worry about these crazy things.
She is growing so fast it is crazy. On Sunday she stated pulling her Binki out of her mouth and trying to put it back in. She tries so hard to roll over and gets frustrated that she can't and she does the same thing about sitting up. Uh seriously can 3 month olds sit up on their own? She really tries. Of course I also swear she will start crawling any day now too. Some how she can really move quite a ways and in circles when she does tummy time. Can you tell I'm quite impressed with her. Everything she does is just amazing to me.

Thinking Too Much

May 7-14

Lived

- Tuesday i finally finished taking Braden's senior pictures and headed back to Cedar with Sarah. Its a miracle, tomorrow it will be an entire week since i was in the valley.

- Wednesday Kaden, Leighton and I packed up and headed to Provo. It was nice to be going on a little trip together even if it was just to pick up Bronco parts. At least that made it exciting for Kaden. We drove up picked up the parts, went to dinner with Whitney, and then hung out with her and Bradon at our hotel, staid the night, went to ikea and winco (Kaden wasn't as impressed as i thought he would be) and then headed home. Very quick trip but nice to be together.

- Friday we finally went and saw Avengers. We didn't get a ticket on our way this time and we were 15 minutes early. It really so nice to be on time for things. The movie was amazing just like we thought it would be, and Leighton did great through it. I actually think the movie was a little too loud for her, but she slept through the entire thing.

-Saturday and Sunday Kaden had to work. So Saturday i slept in, cleaned a little, and worked on pictures. All in between Leighton's thousands of feedings. I swear she goes through a growth spurt every week where she literally wants to eat every hour. She definitely is a little piglet. Sunday Leighton and I went to church and then drove down and met my parents in Saint George after relief society. It was so nice to spend Mothers Day with my mom and even my grandma. I only wish Kaden would have been there. Actually i wish Kaden would have just remembered it was Mothers Day. I waited all day for him to get home so i could open my gift with him there, instead he came home took a shower and went to bed. Needless to say i was not very happy. I told him today could be a do over, we will see what happens i guess.

Waking up happy at 11:30

Editing pictures with Leighton and Tiffany

Learned

- So i have come to realize that i am completely ready to graduate. Not in two years when i will be able to even though i only have 9 credits left to take for an Elementary Education major, but like right now. Wednesday i go in to meet with my councilor about my graduation options. I really don't care to teach anytime soon because all i really want to do is be a mom for now. So we will see what happens, but i have been thinking about this way too much lately. I pray and think, pray and think, and then i feel like i am going crazy. Every time i make a decision i feel comfortable with it except with adding another two years to finish 9 credits. I almost might as well graduate and go straight to a masters program if i want to take that long to graduate.

Loved

- I truly love being a mom. I absolutely could not imagine a life with out my daughter or a life of doing anything else. I know i have only been a mom for just over 7 weeks now but it is truly the most fulfilling and loving experience no matter how hard it is sometimes. I am sure i will have my share of frustrations and wants of my own while raising Leighton, but i cant ever imagine putting anything before her needs or wants. She is beautiful and perfect to me.

Mothers day gift to myself- fitting into pre prego jeans for the first time.

- I Love my mom! She has taught me so much in my life and has always been there for me. When i look back at being little and the things i did with my mom i don't remember things like her teaching me how to tie my shoes or braid my hair, but i remember cuddling with her on the couch or in our old blue chair or her letting me explore and play with bugs and have a billion cats and her teaching me to love through her love and example to me. As i got older my mom became my best friend. In high school i didn't always tell her everything but i knew she would listen and be understanding when i did. When i moved away after high school i started talking to my mom at least every day. Now that i am married and have my own daughter she has been there to help me as much as i would ask. I couldn't imagine a better mother for me. I love her so much and i am so grateful for her.


- I Love my mother in law as well. She has raised such an amazing son who is hard working and wants nothing but the best for his family. She is such a great example to me of sacrifice and love, i couldn't imagine raising four boys and not getting to have a daughter. Luckily she is blessed with all grand daughters so far. She is always there for me to talk to and has supported me and Kaden in our decisions. I am so grateful to be her daughter now. I am also grateful that she was in tune with the spirit enough to know that she should set me and Kaden up together while he was on his mission. With out her doing that i am sure Kaden and I would have never ended up together.

Short Week

May 1-6

Lived

- Twice this week i have packed up and drove down to Logandale. Honestly Leighton and I have spent more time down here lately than at home. After this week I think I will stay home until Leighton's blessing. Our first trip down on Monday was to go with my mom and Grandma Handy to Vegas to pick out fabric for Leighton's blessing dress. I am so excited for it. I know it's going to be beautiful! Now we are back down to finish taking senior pictures, but this time we are lucky to have Kaden with us. We both missed him too much so we wouldn't have came without him.

- While in Vegas on Tuesday I happened to lose my iPhone and didn't even realize it was gone until almost midnight that night. I swore it must have been stollen out of my purse when we went to Winco (one of the happiest places on earth). I had my phone all shut off in case it was stollen so no one could get into my accounts. Like the dits that I am I left it on a pattern table at JoAnns and thanks to a miracle they actually had it still. Vein disconnected from my phone. For a day wasn't bad but the thought of losing everything on my phone made me absolutely sick. I really need to start taking pictures if Leighton with a real camera. Almost all of the picture i have of her are on my phone.

- Friday Kaden and I decided we were going to go see the Avengers. We have been waiting forever for this movie to come out and I can't lie we are pretty excited about it. We have this habit though of being late to movies and just about everything. So we leave the house with Kaden all grumpy and of course he has to speed the entire way, faster than the equinox wants to go and guess what we ended up missing the movie. Kaden got pulled over and got a ticket for 15 over. I wanted to scream! For now on i think i will drive where ever we will go. Oh and when we were pulled over the officer gave us a huge lecture on our the baby carrier handle being up while we were in the car. I understand the reason except for at the hospital we were told our model was fine to have it, our car seat manual says its fine, and it even says on the side of the carrier that it is fine. I told the officer to look at the carrier and that it said the handle could be up while in the vehicle. He totally blew me off and didn't believe me. Anyone else know anything about this?

- Friday night was Grace's May day dance. We went and watched. It was great that Kyle and Jess got there early enough to get a spot right by where Grace was dancing. She was a little shy like always, but she did Great!

I got mad at my bangs and chopped them off.

Learned

- Kaden and I booked a cruise from an entire week the first week of October. I realized since i do so much driving, i am slacking on my hole getting into shape plan. Saturday night Katie and i went to the High School and did an awesome work out. I even did some hurdles, and wow am graceful when i do them, not. I realized though i really need to step up my level of intensity now that i am past six weeks and i have reached a very flabby plateau of toning up and losing weight.

work out

after work out

- A major thing i learned this week though was that i really do not have the time to do pictures at the moment. As much as i love to do them, it really is too time consuming for Leighton's schedule. I really liked doing these last senior pictures that i did, but until i know i will be able to focus just on getting pictures edited and have the time to take them i wont be doing them. I really need to focus on Leighton, and Kaden and my home right now.

I also learned how to make onion rings.

Loved

- I know i already said this but i loved Kaden going to Logandale with Leighton and me. I also loved that we went out to dinner with my parents while we were there and that Leighton slept through the entire night Saturday night. She is starting to sleep at least 6 hours every night and i feel like a new woman!

Sleeping through the night

Some Leighton Love