Mommy Guilt- Feeling Over Touched

Do i feel mommy guilt? I have a toddler, need i say more? Oh and a 6 month old. That should pretty much sum it up. Mommy guilt i am sure is felt in different ways with every child and at every age. I honestly don't know if i ever felt it with Leighton until I found out i was pregnant again but i defenitly felt a form of it with Kaden after having Leighton, because of that, Emersyn is more of a miracle than you will ever know.

I have read several articles on mommy guilt just to make sure i am normal and so far i seem to be. I start to feel upset with myself when i wish i was working instead of at home, when i yell at Leighton instead of speaking with her calmly but firmly, anytime i have ever spanked her, and especially when i feel over touched. Sometimes i feel like this with Leighton and sometimes i feel like it with Kaden. It is a real thing, if you haven't ever felt this way then praise the Lord. Seriously. 

As a mom your body is no longer your own. I mean it is, but it is what you use to carry your baby, feed your baby, and put your baby to sleep with. It is your toddlers jungle gym and way of feeling loved. It is what you used to make your children in the first place, helps to keep your husband happy and your marriage strong. Not to mention its what you grew your children and used to give birth to them. Every thing you use your body for as a mom is so worth it and usually very intimate but can be overwhelming.

I had read about this problem before i ever had kids and knew right away i would be someone who had it. I am not a super touchy person anyways, i have a weird need to be loved through touch but only at certain times. I am not always a huge hugger and i am not one of those girls that ever held hands or linked arms with her sisters or girl friends. I do however need my husband to hold my hand, or kiss me when he gets home from work, or put his hand on my knee when we are sitting close. I have loved those things since we were dating. Now that i have children...sometimes anything more is wayyy too much. I feel like i am constantly holding Emersyn, nursing her or rocking her to sleep. If i'm not then Leighton is hanging on me begging to be held or carried around sometimes she even clings to my leg and won't let go. 

At least once a week i have a break down. I tell Leighton to go away, to go play, to watch a movie, do anything but hang on me. When i get to this point i have several things i do to make the situation better. I close my eyes, focus on breathing for a minute, then get on Leighton's level and help her find an activity she will enjoy until Kaden gets home (usually this happens at the end of the day). I love my daughter more than words can ever say, but sometimes i just need my body to myself. With Emersyn it is easier for me to just set her on the ground and watch from a distance. 

Now as for Kaden. When i feel this way and have had days where being touched is way too much for me to handle, then i need to warn him. Usually i tell him when he first gets home and asks about my day. If i say i nursed a hundred times and Leighton was all over me and i had to get her off, then he knows. In the beginning this was so much harder than it is now. Not wanting  to be touched caused a lot of fighting and hurt feelings. Lets face it men need intimacy in their lives, women do too but not always in the same way. When i feel over touched getting to the bedroom is the last thing on my mind. Kaden and I have figured out ways to deal with it though. We both love each other and want to show each other and the last thing either of us wants is for the other to feel like they aren't being loved and really you can not have a happy marriage with out touching each other. 

Now that we have came to terms with the fact that i have a real issue with this, we have figured out how to fix it. Sometimes Kaden gives me a break, he watches both of the girls and lets me take a bath, like a real one with out toys or childrem in it. I have time to wash my hair and even shave my legs and when i get out i have an empty bucket of touches to fill. I can put both girls to bed and let them hang all over me and not once feel a need to scream. This obviously works in Kaden's favor as well. And it is not that i get to take a proper bath, but more that i get some time to myself. To only care about me and not have anyone else needing something from me. I have found that going to the gym or on a run helps this problem a lot too. Again it is time to me, in my own space and I am not worrying about the girls. 

I have always felt guilty about this, and it has not been easy to try and figure out. It not only can affect my relationship with my girls but with my husband as well. It is one of those things that makes a lot of sense and that i am happy i know how to handle now, but that doesn't make it any easier or make me feel any less guilty over it.

To hear more about Mommy Guilt from other bloggers check out this weeks link up here.