Our Christmas Season

I haven't wrote for a couple of weeks now and I just realized i never even finished my November challenge. The past couple of weeks i have been working really hard on feeling the Christmas spirit. I really have wanted Leighton to feel like this was a special time of year and i wanted us as a family to feel the true reason for the season. I may have gone over board. We spent a lot more on gifts than we previously planed and we didn't really accomplish any of our little daily activities we had planned for the month. We actually didn't even get a tree until just a few days before Christmas. We still had a fantastic holiday though. Leighton got to have several days of being spoiled and loved over and she thought it was just perfect. Here are some of the high lights of our Christmas.

Salt Lake Trip

Ice Fishing

Leighton helped make cookies

Christmas Eve

Christmas Day

Best Friends met Emersyn

 

 Hope everyone spent their time with family and friends and felt the 

love of our Savior this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas!

Mothering a Toddler

Leighton is in a magical little stage of life called "toddler" and I, her mother, am not sure how to actually "mother" a toddler. Every morning since Emersyn was born i have woken up telling myself I am going to show Leighton how much i love her today, I am going to hug her, hold her, play with her, dance with her, read to her, and tell her she is beautiful and special and good job, yay, and thank you. Then about two hours into the day and after the tenth time of pulling her off the counter, out of the toilet, off the tv stand, out of my make up or away from the dog food i snap. I turn into a stressed out smelly (because i haven't showered yet), tired (because i was up with Em all night), starving (because i havent ate yet) monster of a mom. Sometimes i make myself count to 5 before i pull her off the counter for the billionth time, several times i've tried spanking her (which i hate), and some days i just go stick her in her crib so i can have 5 minutes to breather and cool down before i scream at her. She is not even 2 yet. I hate feeling like this, I hate getting angry with her, I hate that as much as try to speak her language or mirror her actions or teach her that things aren't safe she does not understand. Now that my house is clean, and hopefully stays this way, most of my Christmas is up, except for the tree that Kaden hasn't got for me for the third year in a row, and I am finally finished with school and set to graduate I am going to try even harder. I want to promise to myself and to my darling handful of a daughter that from here on out I will take care of her and myself the way i should. Maybe if i'm fed and dressed and awake i will be more patient, and maybe if i am more patient Leighton will be more inclined to listen (heres to hoping). All i want to do is see my daughter be happy and grow and learn and I know that will only happen if i provide the environment for it to. 

1 Month Old

I cant believe this little girl is already a month old. It seems so natural having her here that i didn't even realize it had been her month birthday. Emersyn has grown quite a bit. She really is quite the piglet, eating as often as i let her. She is now wearing 0-3 month clothes and staying awake long enough to show off how strong and aware she can be. This pretty girl still has a head of dark hair and we are pretty sure she will have blue eyes. Leighton is totally warmed up to her now. Still wont say Emma or Emersyn but she does say baby all day long now and loves holding her and giving her kisses. Now because i can't help but show off this beautiful girl and i am obsessed with our family photos, here are a some of our little 1 month old.

A Little Piece of Perfect

When i find a peaceful moment in the day to just sit and not worry about work, homework, or Leighton, i like to hold Emersyn in my arms. I sit and wonder what she must be dreaming or who she might remember or what things are to come in her life. 

Babies are so sweet and innocent and even smell so lovely. Emersyn really is nothing short of perfect. She has not been flawed yet, hasn't said her first "no" or ran away from me screaming in the grocery store. (obviously toddlers are not perfect) 

She is so beautiful and soft. Her coos melt my heart and her little smile takes my breath away. I wish she could stay this way forever. Small enough to fit in my arms and small enough to want to be there.

  

Leightons First Snow Day

The past week has been nothing but tiring and stressful. I had a list of a dozen things i needed to get done but only one thing on my mind and it wasn't getting finished very quickly. I had two papers that were due last Sunday and i had the hardest time writing them. Luckily i really do have the coolest professor who let me have more time to finish them. Even with researching all week i could not put my thoughts on paper very well and i wrote and rewrote way too many times. Finally Thursday evening i was finished and felt like i could breathe again. My home had been totally neglected and so had my babies, especially Leighton. So I promised myself i would make the day about her. 

We woke up Friday morning to a backyard full of fresh snow. It had been one of the first times i had waken up before her since having Emersyn and i waited anxiously for her to get up and see are new white yard. As soon as she stumbled down the stairs i ran her over to back door and we eewwed and awwwed over all the white. Leighton was so curious. Of course we had snow last year but I am sure she doesn't remember it and she definitely wasn't old enough to play in it. 

She was sooo careful at first, stepping on it softly and listened to it crunch under her boot, then she tip toed to the back of the yard and eventually picked up a handful and tried to eat it. After that she gave up her bottle and went crazy running laps with Tiffany. Our boots have now made their home by the back door until the snow is officially gone. It was honestly the best way to spend some quality time with my little girl. I can't wait for more fun days that will come with the snow.

A Perfect Weekend

Two weekends ago (Em's first weekend home) we had a full schedule planned out. Including a wedding on Saturday and a family reunion on Sunday we were going to be crazy and venture out if Cedar with our 1 week old and attend these two much anticipated events. I am a planner and I have a need for human interaction and being pregnant only made it worse and almost obsessive (okay very obsessive). I fixated on any little future event as much as possible to keep myself busy and in check. When Kaden told me he felt like we should skip out on our plans for Em's sake and ours (we both had numerous papers due) I had to hold back a little anxiety attack and I try to remind myself I just had a baby. Obviously I was not in the right state of mind because I quickly wanted to add a 5k to my Saturday and was pretty upset I didn't have a chance to see if I could even run around the block.

Our weekend turned out to be exactly what I needed. We didn't do anything that was previously planned. We woke up each day as a family and Kaden even let me sleep in and took care of Leighton both Saturday and Sunday. We spent time with my parents, ran some errands with out the girls and took Leighton to then park and on a walk. We both were even able to get several papers finished and turned in. 

The best part of our weekend was that we spent it completely together. Kaden and I helped each other with everything. We took turns with the girls, took turns with cleaning up and overall reassured each other that we can handle everything we do and have two kids. It was exactly what I needed to help ease some moving anxiety I've been feeling since having Emersyn. It reminded me of how much Kaden really does love and care for me and our family and helped me to get out of my obsessive planning need that I had going on. It really was exactly what I needed.