Mommy Guilt- Feeling Over Touched

Do i feel mommy guilt? I have a toddler, need i say more? Oh and a 6 month old. That should pretty much sum it up. Mommy guilt i am sure is felt in different ways with every child and at every age. I honestly don't know if i ever felt it with Leighton until I found out i was pregnant again but i defenitly felt a form of it with Kaden after having Leighton, because of that, Emersyn is more of a miracle than you will ever know.

I have read several articles on mommy guilt just to make sure i am normal and so far i seem to be. I start to feel upset with myself when i wish i was working instead of at home, when i yell at Leighton instead of speaking with her calmly but firmly, anytime i have ever spanked her, and especially when i feel over touched. Sometimes i feel like this with Leighton and sometimes i feel like it with Kaden. It is a real thing, if you haven't ever felt this way then praise the Lord. Seriously. 

As a mom your body is no longer your own. I mean it is, but it is what you use to carry your baby, feed your baby, and put your baby to sleep with. It is your toddlers jungle gym and way of feeling loved. It is what you used to make your children in the first place, helps to keep your husband happy and your marriage strong. Not to mention its what you grew your children and used to give birth to them. Every thing you use your body for as a mom is so worth it and usually very intimate but can be overwhelming.

I had read about this problem before i ever had kids and knew right away i would be someone who had it. I am not a super touchy person anyways, i have a weird need to be loved through touch but only at certain times. I am not always a huge hugger and i am not one of those girls that ever held hands or linked arms with her sisters or girl friends. I do however need my husband to hold my hand, or kiss me when he gets home from work, or put his hand on my knee when we are sitting close. I have loved those things since we were dating. Now that i have children...sometimes anything more is wayyy too much. I feel like i am constantly holding Emersyn, nursing her or rocking her to sleep. If i'm not then Leighton is hanging on me begging to be held or carried around sometimes she even clings to my leg and won't let go. 

At least once a week i have a break down. I tell Leighton to go away, to go play, to watch a movie, do anything but hang on me. When i get to this point i have several things i do to make the situation better. I close my eyes, focus on breathing for a minute, then get on Leighton's level and help her find an activity she will enjoy until Kaden gets home (usually this happens at the end of the day). I love my daughter more than words can ever say, but sometimes i just need my body to myself. With Emersyn it is easier for me to just set her on the ground and watch from a distance. 

Now as for Kaden. When i feel this way and have had days where being touched is way too much for me to handle, then i need to warn him. Usually i tell him when he first gets home and asks about my day. If i say i nursed a hundred times and Leighton was all over me and i had to get her off, then he knows. In the beginning this was so much harder than it is now. Not wanting  to be touched caused a lot of fighting and hurt feelings. Lets face it men need intimacy in their lives, women do too but not always in the same way. When i feel over touched getting to the bedroom is the last thing on my mind. Kaden and I have figured out ways to deal with it though. We both love each other and want to show each other and the last thing either of us wants is for the other to feel like they aren't being loved and really you can not have a happy marriage with out touching each other. 

Now that we have came to terms with the fact that i have a real issue with this, we have figured out how to fix it. Sometimes Kaden gives me a break, he watches both of the girls and lets me take a bath, like a real one with out toys or childrem in it. I have time to wash my hair and even shave my legs and when i get out i have an empty bucket of touches to fill. I can put both girls to bed and let them hang all over me and not once feel a need to scream. This obviously works in Kaden's favor as well. And it is not that i get to take a proper bath, but more that i get some time to myself. To only care about me and not have anyone else needing something from me. I have found that going to the gym or on a run helps this problem a lot too. Again it is time to me, in my own space and I am not worrying about the girls. 

I have always felt guilty about this, and it has not been easy to try and figure out. It not only can affect my relationship with my girls but with my husband as well. It is one of those things that makes a lot of sense and that i am happy i know how to handle now, but that doesn't make it any easier or make me feel any less guilty over it.

To hear more about Mommy Guilt from other bloggers check out this weeks link up here.

Emersyn is 6 Months Old!

I cannot believe my baby is growing so quickly. She has such a sweet personality. I never want her to grow up. This little girl is such a doll. I am obsessed with her chubby thighs and bum but it turns out she is very petit. This girl has such a different little shape than Leighton did but she weighs a pound less and is an inch shorter than Leighton was at her age. This girl is only in the 12th percentile for weight! It seems so crazy to me that she is so tiny.

I love that she stills feels like a baby baby. She even lets me swaddle her still and she just barely moved into her crib last night. This sweet girl is a lot like her sister though, I think she is just trying to keep up. She is already crawling, sitting up on her own and getting into everything. By the time she is 2 we will have locks on every drawer, door and cabinet. Between her and Leighton nothing is really baby proof. 

Emersyn is the most mild mannered baby there ever was. She is always happy and if she does happen to get upset she can't figure out whether she should smile or cry. She loves Leighton so much and laughs the most when they play together. Emersyn lets her crazy big sister roll her across the living room, drag her into the teepee and even carry her into the backyard, all while smiling the biggest smile you have ever seen. 

 She has barely became interested in food and doesn't eat very much of it. Her favorite is kale puffs, she throws them all over the place and manages to eat them too. She isn't too fond of pureed food quite yet but sure looks cute with it all over her face. I love that she chooses to breast feed over everything else. It gives us more time together. 

Em loves blankets, and stuffed animals. She cuddles them close to her face while she sucks on her two right middle fingers. It melts my heart every time. She likes playing with things that move like wooden cars and anything little that she shouldn't have. Bath time is probably her favorite though. Her and Leighton could play in the bath for hours if i let them. With just a little bit of water she will splash forever, try to catch ducks and even roll around. 

I am not ready for this little baby of mine to grow up. Her sweet presents as a baby is just what i need in my life. She brings so much joy into our home that we don't know what we would have ever done with out her. 

A Personal Struggle

Sometimes I struggle with knowing that being a mother is enough. I know it sounds silly and most of my posts are about my daughters and how much joy they bring me but I tend to try and post about the positive. I have always tried to post about my life though. As I get more followers and my life takes new turns I don't ever want to stray from that. So here is how I feel. Here is what my fears are lately. Here is what I struggle with. 

In February of 2013 I started an easy yet exciting new job where I learned, gained confidence and molded new dreams. I felt useful and appreciated. Just a couple months later I began planning a new life to follow this job. It was all that I thought about. All that I worked for. It truly consumed me. Every moment of it was exciting and again I felt useful and appreciated. This past march as most of you know we, (Kaden and I) decided this dream was not meant to be followed. For so many reasons that I constantly question. I feel like I gave up on something I worked so hard for. In the time of a 3 hour flight my life changed completely. I went from always being in school, always working, having a partner and always being a mother to only being a mother. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I not only gave up my dream, but my life. I felt unappreciated and like I wasn't good enough. Maybe I just never did do enough, maybe i just always expected too much?

In the beginning I came home thinking of all the wonderful time I can spend with my children, with my husband, all of the time I can spend working on my home and working on new dreams. Until this past week I have done nothing but fight an inner battle. Maybe I have ppd, maybe I am not good with change or maybe i just needed something to tell me what I do is the most important thing I will ever do. 

Basically on the surface I know that there is no greater calling than being a mother. But when I let my mind wander, I worry. Should I be working, should i be furthering my education, should i so many things that it is draining and disheartening. 

I probably should seek professional help for how i feel some days, but for now i am setting myself goals. Daily, weekly, even monthly obtainable goals. I need to see progress in my life. Last night i sat on the couch cuddled to my husband and watched my daughters play together. They rolled and laughed and Leighton gave Emersyn kisses and Emersyn touched Leightons face. In that moment i was reminded that what i do is enough. That it is the best thing i can be doing. What would i miss if i made myself do more? I am blessed and I know it. I just need to remember it every day and every time I let thoughts of doubt take over.  

Motivate Me Monday- Strugglin

Lately i have been facing some real struggles. Last week I feel like it finally tried to admit to them and I am ready to move past them. I am sure I will post more, I need to. For now these are my motivators. Every time I saw one I felt like wow i really needed this! Aren't those moments perfect? I fight emotional ups and downs every day and when things speak to me I know i have something new to focus on or remember to help keep me motivated. 

controls your life

okay

peace

Boobs to Bottles- Learn from My Mistake

Today's linked up topic is on transitioning from breast or formula feeding to milk. I have absolutely zero experience with formula feeding so i will talk about breast feeding to milk and you all can learn from all of my mistakes in this area. 

I have been blessed with the opportunity to breast feed both of my beautiful babies. I honestly was all about it with Leighton and so much so i was determined to feed her until she was at least two. I read so many great things about bonding and health that i was not opposed to feeding as long as she possibly would. That did not work out how i had hoped though. I started to lose my milk supply just a few weeks into my second pregnancy. Leighton was only 10 months old and i didn't even know i was pregnant yet. I got nervous and did everything i could to get it back. With out much luck Leighton slowly began taking more and more bottles, and by the time she was 11 1/2 months old she was almond milk from a bottle only. Not only was I devastated but Leighton was a year old and for the first time hooked on a bottle. (She drinks almond milk because she is allergic to dairy, and we aren't huge dairy fans anyways)

Break my heart here is the mistake i made... I transitioned her to a bottle. Wow was that stupid! Judge all you want, I have a 2 year old that takes a bottle every night before bed. I am a total push over but I changed her comfort from me to a bottle. 

Still I suggest breast feed as long as possible! The health benefits are out of this world. I know some people are turned off by breast feeding, it's possible to do in good taste. Use a cover or feed in private. If you are able it is the most loving and beneficial act you can do for your baby. It has been a beautiful and very fulfilling experience with both if my girls and not to mention it's saved sooo much money. 

When it is time to introduce milk. I think around 1 year is the easiest and healthiest time to do this, start with a sippy. Oh how I wish I would have. Milk or Almond milk is usually much sweeter and is almost like a treat so it's not that hard of a transition for the milk itself. But remember breast feeding is not only about milk, it's about comfort and attachment too. Help your child to find comfort in other ways than nursing. Introducing a stuffed animal or blanket is great at this time and make sure to still hold and cuddle your little one. They will notice a lack of physical contact if you don't. 

For mamas, remember this transition might not be easy on you. Your hormones will change. You might break out or feel very emotional. It is so normal, just be aware of it. You might be needing all the holding and cuddles you get from your little one too! 

When you get to this point I wish you the best of luck! How have you transitioned from breast milk to milk? 

Don't forget to check out the other bloggers and their experiences in the link up! 

Motivate Me Monday- Still Monday Right?

This week I am going to kick some major butt on the home redecorating scene! 

Happy Monday (almost Tuesday) All!!!!

less.

exist.

need to be.

1...2...3...

I know I'm so late on writing this post! I am sorry, i totally blame it on being so sick and stressed out last week. I had a migraine that put me out of commission and thought i was losing my milk supply. Its a real problem and scared me so much i probably stressed way too much and made it worse. Anyways I am so excited about these link up topics and love hearing and giving advice on raising babes and toddlers so its perfect.

This link up was on how to tame the temper tantrum. Where to begin? Have any of you met my overly dramatic 2 year old? She is the one with red hair, blue eyes, a high pitched scream and is probably laying on the ground kicking her feet. Needless to say, I am not the master tamer of the tantrum that is for sure. I surprisingly became pregnant again just before Leighton turned 1 and at the time i thought i had given birth to the most perfect child on the planet. Leighton was so smart, and so mild tempered i knew the fit throwing was not in my future. About 6 months in to my pregnancy every idea i had about Leighton drastically changed. When Leighton was 18 months old (and i was ready to pop) i found myself in a friends living room trying to put Leighton to bed and staring in shock and horror as she screamed her head off and turned into a crazy child. I am serious, crazy! She even shook a lamp. Every fear i had ever had about having two babies so close together was about to come to life and I was not ready for it. After a few weeks of pretending like Leighton wasn't a normal almost two year old who threw fits and cried to get her way i reminded myself... I have spent the last 5 years in the classroom learning how to handle this, learning how to calm children and how to ultimately tame a tantrum. In the past i had worked with children using numerous ways to calm them including, holding, time outs, redirecting and ignoring. 

Recognize What They Need

If there is one thing you take away from this it should be this, ever child is different, every child requires a different form of love as well discipline. Leighton loves to be held, cuddled, kissed and recognized through touch. If i use that against her it only makes bad times worse. If  i was to hold Leighton when she is throwing a fit to get her to calm down it would take twice as long and it would devastate her, the same goes for spanking. Since i know she needs to be loved by touch i make an extra effort to give her hugs, to hold her on my lap when we talk, give her piggy back rides when we play and carry her around when Emersyn is alright on her own. Doing this cuts the fits down a ton. She knows she is loved and a huge part of her needs are being met.

Understand Why They Are Upset

Sometimes Leighton freaks out just to freak out, but more often than not there is a specific need not being met and I need to help her meet it. Leighton tends to become more upset when she is late for a nap or has skipped one all together. She cries over food i don't want her to eat when she is hungry or when she has skipped a snack or meal. When we are shopping or out and about i know she feels ignored or bored out of her mind when she cries for an item or throws herself to the ground for what seems like no reason at all. Fits like these can often be fixed by knowing what they need, this is when redirection works best and a positive attitude. (Ex. Are you Hungry? I am sorry you can't eat that bag of candy but i will get you some oranges.) Pointing out the actual feeling they have helps them to learn that feeling doesn't mean they need to scream and cry but that they want to eat or whatever the need may be.

           

Stay Calm

I am the first to admit that this isn't easy. But tantrums are so much easier if you can do it. If its too hard to deal, then separate yourself from the situation. Leave the room, put your child in their room. Breathe and give yourself space from the moment. Maybe it will pass on its own, if not then start from the beginning, what does your child respond to best and what is the main reason for the tantrum in the first place? Then move forward with the action you see fit. Sometimes children need the tough punishment, sometimes they need to ignored and sometimes they just need to be loved. Make your choice and follow through. Even if a huge punishment is in order stay calm while doing it. The more high strung you are, the more your child will feed off of it. The calmer you are, the calmer it is for them to be. One method i use most of the time, wether it works or not is counting to three. This not only helps me to stay in check but tends to get Leighton's attention and lets her know if her behavior does not stop then there will be a punishment. 1...2...3... somedays all this does is helps her to count but at least something is being learned right?

Pictures by- Mckenzie Felt

What ways have you found to be successful in taming tantrums? Is there a special cure all for the two year old out there? If so i want that magic potion please!