A Need for Sleep

( A couple weeks late)
Lived

- Last week Cedar was cold and blizzardy and Leighton was fussy and not feeling well. I think she is colicy and it was very frustrating for both her and me. So after a week of screaming, rocking, crying, and feeding along with zero adult interaction, a week with dirty hair and my only work out being walking from the couch to my bed and back to the couch I decided I needed to get out of Cedar. So after realizing how depressed I was getting I packed up mine and Leighton's things and headed to Logandale. Leighton did great on our drive and slept the entire time. Which seriously felt like the first Once we got to the valley we got dressed and headed to the fair. I wasn't planning on going this year but I was glad to watch the hypnotist and eat some greasy fair food and luckily Leighton stayed happy up until we were ready to leave.

- Being in Logandale so far has felt amazing. I can't wait to get back home to Kaden but I'm sure he has loved all the sleep he has got since we left. While I've been down here I have gotten more sleep than before I had Leighton, washed my hair, been able to spend time with my younger sisters and go running outside. Like I said A-MA-ZING!

Learned

- I would have to say that the biggest thing I learned this week is that I have a serious need to take care of myself. When I first had Leighton I told Kaden that I felt like super woman. All of the sudden little to no sleep was alright, if I didn't get to wash my hair for a few days I didn't care, and being in the house all the time was no problem. But after 3 weeks of this I honestly started to feel depressed. I am sure the fact that it was still cold and snowy and that Leighton was so fussy didn't help but I felt myself getting sadder and sadder every day and feeling disconnected. Then the uncontrollable crying came. As soon as Kaden left for work Saturday I started balling. I didn't stop until I was half way to Logandale the next day. Being with my family, having some sun, getting some sleep, and running a few miles really made me feel so much better. As much as taking care of my beautiful little Leighton is my first priority I really need to make some time for myself too.

Loved

- As great as this week has been spending time with my family I absolutely loved coming home to Kaden. I was so excited driving back to Cedar that I felt twitterpaited. Being away from Kaden is always hard. But seeing each other again is always sweet.

I also loved coming home to a clean house. My sister Sarah stayed up the night before I came back and cleaned the kitchen, the floors and the living room.

(I know it looks like all Leighton does is sleep, but its not, i just needed to share the few moments that she did)

Easter Weekend

Lived

- Thursday after packing, going to the doctors, getting the car washed, and feeding Leighton we hit the road and headed for Logandale. We stopped in Saint George on the way to pick up Leighton the cutest Easter dress and Kaden and me some awesome Easter presents... Running shoes!

- After getting to Logandale we stopped and fed Leighton and then went down to Grandma and Grandpa Leavitt's to show off little Leighton to Troy and Sally.

-Friday Jimi and Heather and the boys showed up around 11. That's when our weekend really got started. We love whenever we get to see them and it's been almost a year since the entire family got together. We spent the weekend doing what we do best, eating and playing games. All the boys and Sarah and Katie went on an UTV ride and Sunday James and Justice got to find lots of Easter eggs that the egg nazi, grandma, the easter bunny hid.

-We also spent a lot of time with Kaden's family over the weekend. We had a big dinner Saturday night with Penn, Nancy, Kyle, Jessica and the girls, Grandma Alger, Aunt Diane, Vance, Tiesha, Grandma and Grandpa Leavitt, and Donna. It was fun to see everyone and once again show Leighton off. The girls are so cute with her. When we showed up Saturday night Addison and Alaynna started jumping up and down to see her and when we asked them who Leighton was Alaynna said her best friend. Sunday morning we got going early and went and watched the twins and Grace search for their Easter eggs. Well everyone else watched, i fed Leighton so i got to look at the cute pictures afterwards.

Learned

- This Easter season i tried to focus on the Savior more. It was a great idea but the only thing that i really stuck too after Leighton was born was not eating candy for Lent. Yes i survived 40 days of no candy. I need to stick to it though because i definitely over indulged over the weekend and both Leighton and I were very unhappy come Monday morning.

- Since coming home from a weekend of family and fun i have realized that i really need to work on being on a better schedule and i should probably put my daughter down every once in a while. She is just so cute i love having her in my arms! But it gets really crazy when i need to shower or sleep or eat and i can't even set her in her bassinet or bouncer without her waking up and screaming. I know i have said she is a great sleeper, which she is, but only when she is in my arms.

Loved

- As usual we loved getting to spend time with our families, but most of all we loved all of the time we got to spend together and with our baby girl. It was so fun to celebrate our first holiday with her. As much as i want her to stay this little forever i can't wait to watch her run around and find her own Easter eggs. Hopefully by then i will do much better at celebrating the holiday for what it is really meant to be celebrated for. I am sad to say once again we didn't make it to church. But that doesn't mean we aren't grateful for our Savior and for the sacrifice he made so that we will be able to live with him again someday. Our little girl is a sweet reminder of what a great blessing the atonement is in our lives.

Easter Sunday

 

Im convinced that she is a ninja

 

She is seriously getting bigger everyday.

Starting a New Routine

Lived

- Last week Kaden started a new schedule at work. At first I was really grumpy about it and so was he. This new schedule actually gives him days off though and I think we have realized we like that. On Thursday Kaden spent the day working out in the backyard deweeding and building some nice flower beds. Then on Friday we ran errands together and took Leighton out in public for the first time. While we were out we also picked up a bunch of flowers for the yard and planted them that night.

- I went back to the gym for the first time on Friday and it was amazing! I didn't do too much because I don't want to do anything to hurt myself but I could feel the endorphins working there magic as I did my cardio.

- Saturday was so much fun. Both Kaden's and my best friends came to visit us. Cami and Alex and Michael and Whitney were so sweet to drive as far as they both did. Of course they really came to visit Leighton but we aren't complaining. We are happy that she is so loved and we cant wait for her to have some friends. So hint hint both you couples should get working on that.

Learned

- My mom and sisters came to visit again and were here from Sunday night until Tuesday morning. I am not going to lie, I was a little nervous for them to come because Kaden really needed to get his sleep for work and my sisters aren't always the quietest people. I learned a couple of things while they were here though. 1 I really need to learn how to control my OCD and I felt like I tried really hard. It is amazing how some things really freak me out now though and I feel like i'm a germ Nazi. Is this normal for new moms it first time moms to be this way? And 2 I can no longer control my sisters. As the oldest of 4 girls I have always had done pull in any decision my sisters made but not anymore. Hannah and Katie are growing up and are totally their own persons. It is really mind blowing to me when I realize Katie is going to be in high school in the fall and Hannah is going to be a Junior. I thought I was so grown up then and so many life changing things happened to me then too. I can only hope that now that my sisters won't listen to me that they will choose to be strong and kind young women and stay true to the standards they have been taught. I so far am so proud of the girls that they are and have no doubt that they will continue to be amazing.

Katies cute new hair cut 

Loved

- umm loved getting gas for a somewhat affordable price. Thanking the Lord everyday that it hasn't hit 4 dollars yet in Cedar and I am so grateful for smiths rewards points that I can put towards gas!

- I have loved having Kaden home to myself on his days off and not having to worry about him working overtime.

- I have loved spending every moment possible with my little girl and catching up on much needed sleep during the day with her. Being a mom feels like the most natural thong I have ever done and having Leighton in my arms feels like the most natural place for her to be. I am sure I'm going to be in trouble soon though if I don't start putting her down every once in awhile or making her sleep in her bassinet. Right now she sleeps in bed with us. Which I used to think sounded so scary but now it seems like the best place for her I know there are a lot of pros and cons to family sleeping. Does anyone have thoughts on thus? Maybe in just being selfish by wanting her next to me.

- I also loved receiving an email from my math professor that said how proud if me she was for choosing to focus on the most important priority in my life right now, my family. She went on to say that when I return to school she will help me however she can but right now I should focus on my baby and not worry about school. I thought that was very sweet and it really made me feel like made the right decision in dropping this semester.

By the way, my baby turned 2 weeks old on Thursday!

1 week old

Lived

- Leighton and I came home from the hospital Friday afternoon to a clean home full of love. I felt especially grateful for my cleaning addiction when we got here, between 3 days of no sleep and a constant schedule of Lortab my OCD was on full blast and it only got worse the more visitors we had. I absolutely loved having visitors though! No matter how tired I was I seriously felt so special that so many people wanted to meet my beautiful little girl.

- My mom stayed all weekend to help me adjust to life as a mommy myself. I have no idea how anyone could survive without help with a new baby. When I was overly exhausted my mom helped me have the strength to take care of Leighton and she stayed up at night with me encouraging me and coaching me. I am so grateful for my mom and for all she has always done for me. She is so infatuated with Leighton now and I know she will be an amazing grandma just like her mom was to me. My mom actually sent me a text on Tuesday saying she is ready to move up here just so she can spend all of her time with Leighton.

- Nancy stayed and helped me adjust as well. She honestly was such a life saver. Monday Leighton had a doctors appointment that we would have never made it to if I was going to have to go alone. (I'll mention more about why in what I learned this week.) She also made sure we ate and helped keep me company through Leighton's few fussy days.

- I had lots of other visitors, including grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and friends. Whitney came to stay the night and I was unbelievably excited! It is so amazing to know that we are still that close of friends after all this time. Having Whitney here was like a dream, in high school I would tend to wonder how it would be between my friends and me when we reached these stages in our lives and for the most part we have been nothing short of supportive of one another. I don't really know how to describe how that feels or how much it means to me other than to say i hope every girl has a chance to have at least one friend like this in their life, and I am blessed with several.

- Life for poor Tiffany hasn't been so great. She was so confused when we were gone to the hospital and the day we came home we made the mistake of dressing Leighton in a cheetah outfit. When we brought her in the house and introduced them Tiffany kind of treated her like she was another animal. As soon as Tiff realized Leighton was a baby Leighton became Tiffany's baby. If Leighton cries Tiff has to make her better by licking her or coming and actually taking me to Leighton. Tiffany is Judy beside herself when we don't let her by Leighton, so much so that I swear she gained like 10 pounds just over the weekend. (Tiff is definitely a nervous eater.)

- Also huge news! My TOMS came! I seriously have been waiting for this things since January when i ordered them the day they were released and they were already back ordered till March. Actually a little after Leighton was born (on Thursday) i checked my email and about screamed for Joy. I honestly said its amazing! I got to have my baby and get my Toms on the same day.

Learned

- Leighton fed so well in the hospital I thought she was a little miracle eater, but when we got home she turned into a bird and because she ate like a bird she acted like a Taradactul. At her first doctors appointment on Monday I asked my doctor all about why this is happening and why she wouldn't eat, why she wouldn't poop and why I'm up for literally 3-4 hours at a time during the night. My answers were all... It's perfectly normal. Well I learned a lot from this. 1. As much as I like my doctor don't ask a man about something that only a woman's body can do. 2. Always, always ask to work with a lactation specialist before leaving the hospital. 3. It is normal for your baby to not poop while eating like a bird, but you don't want s baby bird. You want a baby human and a baby human sure is what I had. Leighton is now an eating, sleeping, pooping machine. Honestly things like this make me just realize even more the miracle that babies are. It amazes me to know that the seven pounds I'm holding will one day be a beautiful grown woman. ( of course I am going to pretend for the rest of her life that she is this little.)

- Yesterday I made my way out to the school to see my academic advisor and just relearned something I tend to every semester. My academic advisor is crazy and has no idea what she is talking about. I am not quite sure what I expected her to say when I asked her what I should do about my failing predicament this semester but she suggested I work hard to get my grades up. Uhh I just smiled and said I'd try. When the semester is over half way over and and you have a 50 in both of your two classes the chances of getting your grade up is about impossible. So withdrawing from this semester was the other option i was left with and what my teachers suggested. As important as school is to me, it doesn't come close to how important giving all of my time to Leighton is.

Loved

- There have been so many things about this week that i have loved but there are two that i feel out weigh all of them. The first has been to see how Kaden has completely turned into a dad. I will admit i was worried sometimes while i was pregnant about the role he would want to play in Leighton's life while she was so little. A lot of Leavitt men are some what scared of tiny babies and prayed this wouldn't be Kaden. The moment she was born i knew his life had changed forever. Not only was he amazing supporting me through labor, he couldn't stand to leave her side from the moment she was set on my tummy. It is so neat to see the two of them together. I know they already have such a strong bond and will forever. When Kaden holds her she instantly calms down and if she is awake she cant take her eyes off of him. She honestly stares into his face with the cutest little in love look ever. Kaden has offered to help with everything, he changes diapers, and gets her dressed, and he is worried about when she bathes or taking her out of the house. He is even driving safer when she is in the car. When Kaden gets home in the morning he even asks if he can hold her while he sleeps. I am so grateful for their special relationship and for how much love he has for her. I couldn't imagine there being anyway of being a better father.

- This past week I have loved holding Leighton. Awake or sleeping I have a strong need to have her in my arms. When I have her I tend to stare and think of how beautiful she is, how amazing it is that she is a part of me and Kaden and how not too long ago her sweet spirit was still in heaven. All of these thoughts of course lead to me crying but they are so special and I can't describe how blessed they make me feel.

- On Sunday while my mom was here I especially felt how close Leighton has been to heaven. Through out my pregnancy i thought of her spending time with my grandma Joyce who would love her more than anything, the way she loved me, with Jace who would teach her how to tease me and make me feel special at the same time, and with Malcolm and Julie. As soon as i found out i was pregnant i knew Julie would be watching over her, I had a miscarriage a few days after Julie passed away and found comfort then in knowing that baby was still very loved and i had no doubt Julie had it wrapped up in her arms. So i also have thought Leighton spent time with her sibbling as well. Then after Malcolm passed i felt so sad that he wasn't able to hold her or know her, but the other night with my mom i was reminded that he was, he probably taught her how to love and how to receive help and told her all about the family she was being born into.

So Sunday night my mom was taking pictures of my sweet girl as she slept like this.

and after wards she started looking through the hundreds of pictures she had taken of her. (Seriously probably hundreds) and right in middle of the ones of Leighton sleeping with her hands folded was this picture.

Now i know there are ways to save images on iphones from facebook and what not but my mom hardly knows how to even call someone with her phone, let alone get on facebook and save a picture. Finding this was a very surreal moment for all of us. It instantly brought tears to our eyes and a strong spirit into our home. What a neat experience and sweet reminder of how loved we all still are by those who have passed on.

Leighton Joyce

Lived

- The past few weeks have felt like complete torture. I had it in my mind that our beautiful little girl would be joining us early, like at 37 weeks and well, that was just did not happen. So I spent most if not all of my time cleaning, redecorating and avoiding my classes. This was great because my house now feels way more like our home and it's presentable for all the company that will come when we bring Leighton home. This was not so great at the same time because I really truly am failing both of my classes, and have spent way too much money on furniture, and other home necessities.

- We finished the nursery and it is beautiful! Kaden worked so hard on it and Teisha and Vance helped us get it painted. I can not wait for our little girl to be in there. It honestly makes me smile just to walk by and see the beautiful finished room.

- Almost every weekend we traveled to the valley even if just for the day. Kaden finished the Kirks truck finally and I got to be pampered by
my grandma with amazing massages and got to relieve my sciatic pain sleeping and napping in Lukes water bed. I am convinced if I ever have sciatic pain again I am buying a water bed of my own. It was heavenly.

- Speaking of sciatic pain. I was forced to quit working out just around 37 weeks as well because the slightest wrong move would send me into fits of pain running up my back and down my legs. After 2 1/2 weeks of no running I couldn't help it anymore at 40 weeks and 1 day and I headed to the gym, praying some exercise would send me into labor. I only confirmed my own fears, 1 my sciatica hates me and 2 I really will need to be induced if I wanted to have Leighton sometime soon, after running the best mile of my life. I am positive all eyes were on me, especially after my sister noticed me, yelled across the cardio area and was laughing at how awesome I looked.

37

38

39

40

40 and 3 days

Learned

- Dogs completely know what's going on even before you do. Tiffany tends to be a rathr dumb but unbelievably sweet little bulldog who up until now has been the only pride and joy in our lives and she knows it. Slowly she has started to do things for more attention and she has became very clingy to both kaden and me . Wednesday she woke up mad at me though and it continued all day long. Then as I packed my hospital bag she followed me around whining and when we went to leave for the hospital she ram out to the car and cried when I carried her from the front seat into the house. Our poor Tiffany knew we would not be coming home aline and some competition will be in her life.

- even though I have been going insane and poor Kaden has worked so much the past month I feel like I, if not the both of us have learned so much. Each day that Leighton didn't come and after 4 appointments of being told I made no progress and was still only dilated to 2 cm I grew more and more impatient but felt more like the Lord was trying to teach me something. I couldn't help but remind myself each night what a blessing it was just to be pregnant. It took us long enough to even have hope in being able to have our own sweet child that really what was 3 more weeks to my amazing pregnancy. Really I do feel like it was amazing. I really was able to take the time to ponder on what a miracle it was to just be pregnant and to savor each kick and move our precious daughter made.

- I also learned however what is truly important to me. And this I think Kaden definitely did as well. In-between my bipolar mood swings Kaden and I have grown closer to one another than ever. I have taken quite a bit of time off of work now and because of this feel like I have been able to do so much more for my wonderful husband. I have made dinners, and his lunches, kept our home clean and his laundry done. I know it doesn't sound like much but it has been all the difference for us to be able to simply serve each other. I was talking to my sister the other day and just realized kaden and I haven't had a fight since she moved in, probably quite a bit before. Of course we argue but nothing big, and nothing that has been worth remembering. I feel like everyday life gets better and better and I fall more in love with my sweet husband.

Loved

Leighton's Birth

- Wednesday morning I woke up praying and pleading with the lord that I might know what I was supposed to do for our little girl to make her way I to the world. Each day after the 40 week mark I felt like she grew, and caused some sort if new pain or discomfort. Previously i had planned to go to an appointment on Friday if she still had not arrived and scheduled to be induced for the following week. The thought of going past 41 weeks made me feel very uneasy though and after really pondering what I needed to do and trying every possible way of self inducing I had a strong feeling I needed to go see my doctor that day to discuss options. I had planned for a completely natural birth even before I got pregnant. I read the hypno- birthing books and did the excersiced and felt very confident I could accomplish this. My appointment with doctor polson couldn't have gone more smoothly and I realized quickly my prayer was being answered when I made the decision to be induced at midnight that night. Relief came over me and although I just chose the beginning of a birth route that I didn't want I felt very. Comfortable and in control of my decision.

At midnight Kaden and I went into the hospital made ourselves comfortable and after starting the inducing process tried to make ourselves comfortable. Kaden couldn't sleep until after he gave me the sweetest blessing and I was so grateful he did. I couldn't sleep at all. I felt anxious and was infatuated with just listening to Leightons heart beat on the monitor until 4 am when the nurse came in to tell me I still had made no progress. All I could think was how long of a process this would be and I knew for sure I would be one of those women who were in labor for days. So after another dose of being induced I tried to go to sleep and just face it. Not even 15 minutes later I was facing strong contractions already regular and only 5 mins apart. Not knowing any different I figured this just must be normal. Still only 2 cm I figured these contractions must not really be bad and that I would be dead by the time I actually made it to 4 cm with no meds. Also i was being monitored and for the next 1 1/2 I powered through the contractions on my own now being probably 3 mins apart ridiculously strong and lasting 30 seconds each. It was only when I realized I couldn't sit down anymore because of my sciatic pain that this must be serious and I so gracefully woke Kaden up. He wasn't too happy at first, I could tell just like me he was questioning how I could survive going natural if this was only the beginning to a very long day. After 2 1/2 hours of not being seen by a nurse still and deciding I was just ready to die with contractions 2 mins apart lasting up to 1 minute each I made the decision for pain meds and even an epidural. A part of me felt like a failure but I was throwing up every contraction from the pain that my sciatica was shooting down my legs and knew I didn't have any other choice unless I was going to deliver standing up. At 7 a nurse finally came in and seemed to be in shock with how controlled my breathing was and how I was able to get through each waive of pain. She gave me a heating pad and showed me how to sway my hips and have Kaden help me. She also explained at this point she wouldn't give me any meds until they check what progress I made. At 8 I was finally checked, which was perfect because I wasn't sure if I had the strength to stand anymore and like I said I couldn't sit.

To everyones surprise I was dilated to a 5 and my water was ready to break. I was able to go straight to having my epidural and was given it by 830. At this point I knew I was being blessed and that I couldn't have been directed to make a better decision for both me and the baby. My contractions had been so strong her poor little heart rate would shoot during each one. It was also at this point that my progress was said to be in heard of especially for a first time mom, on no meds through those contractions and having been induced.

The last few hours of my labor couldn't have been more perfect. The natural experience that I truly wanted was a natural environment. I wanted this time to be happy, and loving and it was just that. The nurse that took care of me was an angel and she was someone very close to penn and Nancy and she even helped deliver Kadens brother Luke. My mom showed up at the hospital at 830 just in time to help me through my epidural which honestly was great, i am not kidding when I say getting my i.v. Hurt more than my epidural did. Sarah showed up around 10 and decided to stay. It was fun to sit in my room surrounded by my mom Kaden, Sarah and the greatest delivery crew. We were all talking, and joking around and I literally played draw something until I was asked to push.

After pushing through 3 contractions with Kaden by my side baby Leighton was welcomed into the world at 10:59 a.m by a room of crying parents, grandma, and aunt. The moment she entered my arms was so overly happy, both and I have tried to describe the feeling of love and joy that she automatically brought into our little family and we really can't finds words that are strong enough to describe it.

Since the easiest labor I could ever imagine being able to haveLeighton has barely left my side. She is a natural at feeding, and is as much as in awe with Kaden as he is her. The two of them can lay there and just stare with complete amazement at one another. Kaden has loved holding her, learning how to swaddle and even had helped change a diaper already. He has been great at listening to every tip or piece of info given and sincerely is trying to learn all he can before we go home.

I could not be blessed with a greater man to love and be married to than Kaden and now I already feel like our beautiful little girl could not have been blessed with a more amazing or loving father.