Thoughts from Sunday

A couple of Sundays ago sacrament seemed to be extra hard to sit through. Em was upset and fussy and had a horrible cough and Leighton had smacked her head on the corner of the hymn book holder and screamed like crazy. When the last song began I instantly felt peace come over me and Leighton bless her heart tried her hardest to sing along. The hymn being sung was because I have been given much. With Leighton's sweet spirit next to me so reverently singing along with the congregation I couldn't help but melt. I probably paid attention to the words more than ever before. It is a beautifuly simple song that reminded me of what I am supposed to be doing with my life. 

Lately I have felt overwhelmed by my role as a mother. It is truly the most rewarding job I have ever had but the most challenging as well. I worry about 99% of the time that I'm not doing enough. That the 5th load of laundry and placing Leighton in front of the tv aren't exactly what I should I be doing with my day. I worry that I don't give my girls enough hugs or kisses and that even though my time is no longer devoted to shool or a real job that I'm not devoting it to the things that I should be. And it's true I am not devoting enough time to The Lord. I haven't been to the temple since Leighton was born. I haven't done my visiting teaching since our ward split last summer and I haven't held a calling for probably close to a year now. 

Because I have been given much, I too must give.

Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live.

I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,

who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care…

I cannot see another’s lack and I not share-

my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head,

that he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love dear Lord,

I’ll share thy love again according to thy word.

I shall give love to those in need. I’ll show that love by word and deed,

thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

Because of my sweet daughters eagerness to sing these sweet words I realized my feelings of being so much less than what I should be can be eased if I only begin to live how I really should. I know I am blessed. I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters. With a loving husband. Supporting family and amazing friends. Because I have been given much, I too must give. If there is any one goal I am going to work especially hard on this year, it will be this one. 

2014

Welcoming in a New Year is always such an exciting and well welcomed time but this year I have been facing it with some anxiousness and anxiety. I know with this new year so much change will come and I don't know how much control I will have over it. I don't want my babies to get older or for my sister to leave for a year and a half or especially for Jessica to have to face her cancer. But I know with this new year my girls will grow and continue to bring smiles to our faces, Sarah will bless the lives of others while sharing the gospel and Jessica will be strong and beat the cancer and be an inspiration to everyone around her. 

New Years means new beginnings, the past two years brought new life into our lives and new love with it. (no babies this year) While I try to come up with resolutions every year I felt like it was especially needed now that I have finished school. Here are few that I have so far. 

Spiritual Goals- read scriptures every morning, pray daily with Kaden, teach Leighton to pray, attend the temple monthly and pay tithing regularly.

Physical Goals- exercise daily, be more active, drink juice regularly, no soda, less junk, run more 5ks, run a half marathon.

Mental Goals- read at least 1 book a month, learn new words, write on the blog regularly, help Kaden with his classes. 

Family Goals- make dinner daily, keep the home more organized, go to Disneyland, go to the east coast, move to Nashville. 

I'm sure I'll add more to the list as time goes on but as I am hesitant to start the year as it is I tried to make my goals as achievable as possible. 

I hope that this year is a good one. I hope I can love more, need less and enjoy the simple things that I am blessed with. I pray happiness is overwhelming and growth is welcomed. Ready or not 2014 is here. 

           

Our Christmas Season

I haven't wrote for a couple of weeks now and I just realized i never even finished my November challenge. The past couple of weeks i have been working really hard on feeling the Christmas spirit. I really have wanted Leighton to feel like this was a special time of year and i wanted us as a family to feel the true reason for the season. I may have gone over board. We spent a lot more on gifts than we previously planed and we didn't really accomplish any of our little daily activities we had planned for the month. We actually didn't even get a tree until just a few days before Christmas. We still had a fantastic holiday though. Leighton got to have several days of being spoiled and loved over and she thought it was just perfect. Here are some of the high lights of our Christmas.

Salt Lake Trip

Ice Fishing

Leighton helped make cookies

Christmas Eve

Christmas Day

Best Friends met Emersyn

 

 Hope everyone spent their time with family and friends and felt the 

love of our Savior this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas!

Mothering a Toddler

Leighton is in a magical little stage of life called "toddler" and I, her mother, am not sure how to actually "mother" a toddler. Every morning since Emersyn was born i have woken up telling myself I am going to show Leighton how much i love her today, I am going to hug her, hold her, play with her, dance with her, read to her, and tell her she is beautiful and special and good job, yay, and thank you. Then about two hours into the day and after the tenth time of pulling her off the counter, out of the toilet, off the tv stand, out of my make up or away from the dog food i snap. I turn into a stressed out smelly (because i haven't showered yet), tired (because i was up with Em all night), starving (because i havent ate yet) monster of a mom. Sometimes i make myself count to 5 before i pull her off the counter for the billionth time, several times i've tried spanking her (which i hate), and some days i just go stick her in her crib so i can have 5 minutes to breather and cool down before i scream at her. She is not even 2 yet. I hate feeling like this, I hate getting angry with her, I hate that as much as try to speak her language or mirror her actions or teach her that things aren't safe she does not understand. Now that my house is clean, and hopefully stays this way, most of my Christmas is up, except for the tree that Kaden hasn't got for me for the third year in a row, and I am finally finished with school and set to graduate I am going to try even harder. I want to promise to myself and to my darling handful of a daughter that from here on out I will take care of her and myself the way i should. Maybe if i'm fed and dressed and awake i will be more patient, and maybe if i am more patient Leighton will be more inclined to listen (heres to hoping). All i want to do is see my daughter be happy and grow and learn and I know that will only happen if i provide the environment for it to. 

1 Month Old

I cant believe this little girl is already a month old. It seems so natural having her here that i didn't even realize it had been her month birthday. Emersyn has grown quite a bit. She really is quite the piglet, eating as often as i let her. She is now wearing 0-3 month clothes and staying awake long enough to show off how strong and aware she can be. This pretty girl still has a head of dark hair and we are pretty sure she will have blue eyes. Leighton is totally warmed up to her now. Still wont say Emma or Emersyn but she does say baby all day long now and loves holding her and giving her kisses. Now because i can't help but show off this beautiful girl and i am obsessed with our family photos, here are a some of our little 1 month old.