Leightons First Snow Day

The past week has been nothing but tiring and stressful. I had a list of a dozen things i needed to get done but only one thing on my mind and it wasn't getting finished very quickly. I had two papers that were due last Sunday and i had the hardest time writing them. Luckily i really do have the coolest professor who let me have more time to finish them. Even with researching all week i could not put my thoughts on paper very well and i wrote and rewrote way too many times. Finally Thursday evening i was finished and felt like i could breathe again. My home had been totally neglected and so had my babies, especially Leighton. So I promised myself i would make the day about her. 

We woke up Friday morning to a backyard full of fresh snow. It had been one of the first times i had waken up before her since having Emersyn and i waited anxiously for her to get up and see are new white yard. As soon as she stumbled down the stairs i ran her over to back door and we eewwed and awwwed over all the white. Leighton was so curious. Of course we had snow last year but I am sure she doesn't remember it and she definitely wasn't old enough to play in it. 

She was sooo careful at first, stepping on it softly and listened to it crunch under her boot, then she tip toed to the back of the yard and eventually picked up a handful and tried to eat it. After that she gave up her bottle and went crazy running laps with Tiffany. Our boots have now made their home by the back door until the snow is officially gone. It was honestly the best way to spend some quality time with my little girl. I can't wait for more fun days that will come with the snow.

A Perfect Weekend

Two weekends ago (Em's first weekend home) we had a full schedule planned out. Including a wedding on Saturday and a family reunion on Sunday we were going to be crazy and venture out if Cedar with our 1 week old and attend these two much anticipated events. I am a planner and I have a need for human interaction and being pregnant only made it worse and almost obsessive (okay very obsessive). I fixated on any little future event as much as possible to keep myself busy and in check. When Kaden told me he felt like we should skip out on our plans for Em's sake and ours (we both had numerous papers due) I had to hold back a little anxiety attack and I try to remind myself I just had a baby. Obviously I was not in the right state of mind because I quickly wanted to add a 5k to my Saturday and was pretty upset I didn't have a chance to see if I could even run around the block.

Our weekend turned out to be exactly what I needed. We didn't do anything that was previously planned. We woke up each day as a family and Kaden even let me sleep in and took care of Leighton both Saturday and Sunday. We spent time with my parents, ran some errands with out the girls and took Leighton to then park and on a walk. We both were even able to get several papers finished and turned in. 

The best part of our weekend was that we spent it completely together. Kaden and I helped each other with everything. We took turns with the girls, took turns with cleaning up and overall reassured each other that we can handle everything we do and have two kids. It was exactly what I needed to help ease some moving anxiety I've been feeling since having Emersyn. It reminded me of how much Kaden really does love and care for me and our family and helped me to get out of my obsessive planning need that I had going on. It really was exactly what I needed.

 

Two Weeks Old {a few days late}

Emersyn is already two weeks old now and I feel like I should be saying only rather than already. It has seemed so natural bringing her home that it's like she has always been a part of our family. She is so sweet and easy. Honestly an eater, sleeper and lover all around. Emersyn is so beautiful and perfect and I never imagined I would be able to feel this way again. I look at her in awe everytime I hold her. She is so strong and alert. Seriously i am afraid to leave her on the couch because she moves so much. I wonder how my babies are able to come out holding up their own heads and ready to roll. She has grown already weighing 7 pounds and 14 ounces and her looks have changed so much already too, still nothing like Leighton though. Leighton is warming up to her and by warming up I mean she has small moments when she wants to look at her or hold her but besides that she acknowledges her by dragging her out of the bouncer or smacking her in the head with toys. I prefer to think she loves her though, especially when she does something sweet like the picture below. All Leighton wanted to do was hold babies hand.

 

I am recovering really quickly this time physically but emotionally I don't really know yet. Last week when I came home feeling invincible should have been a red flag. Honestly hours after having Em I was up in the hospital room balancing on my toes trying to get the perfect pictures of our newborn. I walked myself out to the car when I went home and I went on with life like nothing was much different. After only a week of being home i was already trying to plan out my next races. I was even a little upset when Kaden told me he thought I wasn't ready yet. I wanted to ask him if he realized what I had just accomplished only a week before (I should have been asking myself that instead though). This week I went on feeling the same way until I tried on my beautiful new Anthropologie dress I had been planning on wearing for family pictures this weekend and my boobs were too big. Then when I went shopping for a new outfit I wanted to die when I could barely squeeze into size 4 pants and had to buy an oversized sweater to cover my new found love handles. It didn't help at all that my sister smiled and said its nice to see me look normal. I don't feel normal I feel huge and after only two weeks I know that I should be so happy with my body but I am kind of ready to trade it in for a new one. Thursday I spent most of the day just crying. I hate medical bills, I hate insurance, and I hate that Leighton has gone so crazy all I wanted to do was lay in my bed in a ball and sleep. Of course Kaden was gone hunting though and I honestly thought I would be totally fine on my own. If I don't stick to a daily routine and make my bed and take a shower as soon as I wake up I'm afraid I won't leave my room all day. I hope that this will soon be over and I won't be dealing with these hormones for too long. I get so nervous when I think of how depressed and alone it felt after having Leighton. I have been trying to remind myself that I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to accomplish everything on my lists or fit into my old clothes or run for months but it's hard to come to terms with the fact that having a baby means completely starting over again.

Luckily Emersyn is little and perfect and I find so much Joy just in holding her. It probably would be smart if i could convince myself to slow down and remember she will be Leighton's size in a short year and a half.

November {part 1}

How is it already November? This year has gone by so fast. I honestly feel like it should be just starting still, but i am sure glad that it is already the eleventh month. I have always loved November. Every year i challenge myself to look back and remind myself each day of something i am truly thankful for and why. I usually post about it on facebook but this year i want it to be more special and personal than that. So i decided i would put it on here instead. Obviously I am a few days behind but for good reason. Beautiful miss Emersyn joined us on the 1st (only making this month even more special).

I am thankful for...

01- the ability i have to have children. Several years ago i was told it wouldn't be easy to get pregnant and with our first daughter it really wasn't. We now have two absolutely beautiful little girls. Both pregnancies have been easy and deliveries have gone smoothly. Having a child it truly a miracle, so many things have to work out just right in order to bring a new life into this world.

02- my husband. Kaden and I do not always have the easiest marriage but we do always have a good one. Kaden has been so supportive of me and all that i strive to do. He has encouraged me to finish school, start businesses, stay healthy and do the things i love. He works hard so i can stay home with our girls. He is still in school so he can have an education and a good job. He plays, cuddles and reads to our girls and i know that our family is the most important thing to him. I am so proud of him and i couldn't feel more thankful that 5 years ago he asked me to marry him. 

03- Leighton. I have always felt like she was the missing piece to the family Kaden and I had been praying for. The moment she arrived she filled our lives with so much love and joy. She has been my perfect side kick for the past year and a half and i know will be the perfect big sister.

04- Emersyn. Although she has only been in our lives for 5 days now it feels like she has always been here. Emersyn was definetly a surprise but she is also our little miracle. We can already tell there was a reason for him coming into our lives right now.

05- mine and Kaden's mom. Both of our moms were able to spend several days in Cedar after Emersyn was born and both were willing to help with anything we needed. Our moms were also both able to be there when Emersyn was born. They love us so much and maybe our girls even more. I am so loving to have two amazing women to spoil Leighton and Emersyn and two women who they can always rely on and look up to as Kaden and I have.

06- my sisters. Each of my sisters tends to teach me something different. We don't always get along or understand one another but we do always love eachother. It's funny to think of how different we are all turning out but how alike we are at the same time. I am thankful to be the oldest and to be able to watch the three of them grow up.

07- mine and Kaden's dads. We have learned so many things  from them but especially how to be hard workers and how to get through hard things. Our dads have taught us the value of family by the way they love and take care of theirs. And both of them turn into big teddy bears for our girls and love spending time with them.

08- our home. I can not believe we have owned our own home for 3 1/2 years now. It has been such a huge blessing to live in the same place and not have to worry about landlords. We have made our house really ours and have brought both our daughters home to it. I feel safe here and at peace. It's our own little haven from the world. 

09- amazing friends. I don't have a lot of people that I am close to, but the ones that I am are amazing. I couldn't have better examples to associate with. Through hard times and good we are there for eachother and there isn't anything nicer than to know I have people I can share my life with outside of family.

10- the opportunity I have had to help start a business this year. It has been a crazy start and will definitely continue to be an adventure as we move back east and to the south, but also a huge blessing. 

11- the opportunity I have had to travel so much this year. I have fallen in love with new places and seen a difference in how other people in other cities are. It has helped make me excited to move and made me appreciate Cedar more at the same time. Traveling always teaches me different things and clears my mind of worries. It's made life exciting and I can't wait to try traveling two babies now.

12- Cedar City, we have loved here for 4 years now and i can't believe I've actually grown to like it here. This past year I had time to enjoy its beauty and festivals. I have made great friends and been able to explore the city with Leighton. For a  small place it's offered quite a bit to do that I never realized before. 

13- modern medicine. When i fell a couple weeks ago and was unsure how Emersyn was doing I was able to go to the hospital and hear her heart beat. It was such a beautiful and reassuring sound. 

14- the power of the priesthood and the knowledge I have of the LDS gospel. I have had a few priesthood blessings this year and each one has helped me to know what to do, comforted me and helped me to feel at peace with the Lord's will.

15- the love I've gained for running and hiking. It helps me to relieve so much of my stress and to feel better all around. I know it has helped my pregnancies and labors to be easy and now hopefully my postpartum recovery as well. 

Emersyn Hope

Early this morning Kaden and I crawled out of bed to our waiting bags and a past out Leighton to head to the Hospital. I was scheduled to be induced at 3:00 am but we arrived around 4:00. After getting settled in to the delivery room and going through paperwork I was started on potosin around 5:00. Emersyn was stubborn just like Leighton. I hadn't been progressing much and was only dilated to a 3 1/2 when Dr. Polson broke my water at 6:30. 

Kaden and I slept as much as we could until the hard contractions began. Somehow we were much calmer going into this labor. Maybe because we knew what to expect and because last time went so well, or maybe because even after 40 weeks of pregnancy we still could not believe we were being blessed with another daughter. At 9:30 after feeling very nauseas and dry heaving through contractions I opted for an epidural. Kaden was so sweet and rubbed my back and waited on me through every contraction.

 When it came to the epidural he stood right in front of me and let me squeeze his hand so tight that it hurt. As soon as he was asked how he was doing and he shortly replied that he was fine, he hit the ground. I had just said you sat last time because my dad past out before and then he was out. It took a minute for him to come around but luckily our nurse caught his head so he wasn't hurt and he provided a good laugh for everyone in labor and delivery. 

Both My mom and Nancy came to the room shortly after Kaden's fall and played the waiting game with us. I wasn't checked again until 11:30 and at that point was a 6 1/2. I had no idea how much longer we would wait for but did not expect to start feeling ready to push only 20 minutes later. After 15 minutes of feeling pushing pressure I decided to let the nurse know I thought I was ready and she confirmed it. As soon as Dr. Polson walked in he calmly helped me into position and just said push when your ready. I never struggled or even felt out breath. Even while pushing and Emersyn began making her way into the world everything felt so unreal. As she came out I realized the cord was around her neck and she was very purple, somehow I never felt worried for her. I quickly said I wanted her and she was laid on my stomach while the Doctor and nurse got her crying. As soon as she was breathing on her own she cuddled right up to me. It was a perfect moment. I was blessed with so much peace and knew everything was alright. In a moment that could have been panic I felt like everything was so perfect. I know she had some special angela helping her to be well. The spirit that filled the room was overwhelming for me.

Finally at 12:18 our little miracle had arrived, weighing 7 pounds and 8 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long. She was healthy, came very easily and was welcomed into the world by so many people who truly love her. Kaden and I still felt like it was so unreal. We still do actually. How In such a short amount of time were we blessed with two amazing spirits from heaven? We couldn't be more honored to have Emersyn join our family. Leighton has been a little skeptical so far and isn't sure what to think of her new baby sister but I know in time she will love her and understand just how special "baby sister" really is. 

Emersyn so far is exactly what I imagined. Easy, her birth was easy, feeding is easy, she just is content to be held and sleep. She has only been in our precence for about 18 hours but so far I could not feel more comfortable or confident as a mother. I had my second amazing child birth experience, have a beautiful daughter in my arms and can not feel any closer to my husband and we couldn't feel any closer to heaven. 

Yesterday Kaden and I were sadly reminded that Grandma Karen would not be on her way to the hospital to meet our new bundle of joy but were happily reminded that Emersyn already knew her. Maybe that is why my girls stay  in the whom as long as possible, they are not done learning from all of the people who love and care for them in heaven. Being in the presence of a newborn is like probably the closest anyone can get to witnessing pure innocence and perfection at once. Emerson's sweet spirit has already touched my heart in so many ways and reminded me how grateful I am to have an eternal family and the knowledge that I have of the plan of happiness. I'm not quite sure how anyone can experience such a pure miracle like birth or a baby and not see the spiritual connection. I know that just holding Emersyn makes me want to be a better wife, mother and person. I am reminded again with her in my arms of the role I have to care for my daughters and that there is no responsibility that could be more sacred than that of being a mother. 

Days With Leighton

Before baby girl number 2 arrives we have tried to spend as much one on one time with Leighton as we  possibly could. Last weekend wasn't too eventful but we did make a little day trip with her. This weekend I have been looking forward to for about a month now. All i wanted to do was watch Leighton at the Sheep Parade (yes, sheep parade) and take her trick or treating.

Last Sunday we went for a family drive out to the Parowan Gap. Of course i didn't actually take any pictures of the gap and we barely even explored it. The gap was actually kind of neat, just a small gap between two cliffs in the middle of no where with ancient indian writings all over it. We decided to let Leighton and Tiffany explore the dessert a little though and of course our cute girl went rock hunting. Yes, one of the 15 words Leighton can say is rock. She is in love with all rocks and we aren't quite sure why but we do have a little Leighton rock collection building all over the house.

Today was the Sheep Parade and Livestock Festival here in Cedar City. We have made it a little tradition to go to the small time parade every year. Leighton loves watching any parade. Seriously, she claps and waves and is all sorts of smiley. It didn't surprise us at all when she saw Grandpa Penn walking down the road in the parade and she chased after him waving goodbye to us. He said she smiled and cheesed it up for everyone the rest of the parade.

Can Leighton look any cuter for a livestock festival? It was such a beautiful day. Seriously its late October and she was able to wear a little dress, cardigan and the cutest boots ever!

After the parade we headed to the livestock festival to watch the tractor pull. Leighton loves her cousins so much and had so much fun spending the day with them. We wish we were able to see the girls more.  It always makes me laugh when she is around them she never seems to think she is any smaller than they are.

We ended the day with a trunk or treat and Leighton finally got to wear her halloween costume. Another word this crazy little girl can say... Lorax. She is in love with the movie and everything about it. Kaden and i fought over making her a pumpkin or the Lorax. Clearly Kaden won and its a good thing. She thought it was so neat and of course she was a natural at trick or treating. Luckily we are blessed with the sweetest 1 1/2 year old around because afterwards she divided all of her candy up between the family. 

I am so glad that we have had some time to really spend with our little girl before her world is turned upside down. I hope she is ready for a little sister in her life. She really will be such a sweet older sister but i know she will get upset about not having us to herself too. 

Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Today you have been growing for 39 weeks in my belly and still seem very content on staying in there. I don't blame you, it is safe and quiet and you don't have to worry about being fed or about where you sleep or who you are with. This may be the only way you get me all to yourself for awhile. Leighton seems to think it is alright if you stay in there a little longer as well. She has became very clingy and wants me to hold her constantly. I am sure partly because she wants to be close to you too though. Even though your older sister doesn't quite understand what is coming her way she still asks for the baby and is fascinated with rather large belly. You two will love each other and hopefully be best little friends. Now that life is slowing down a little as we all wait for you to arrive your dad and I have been able to imagine together more about what you will be like. Will you be an easy sleeper or mild tempered, will you keep us on our toes and have red hair too? No matter what we know you will fit perfectly into our little family, we already love you so much. The past couple of days Leighton and I have ran the canyon trail again in hopes you'll want to join us. This time of year is so beautiful, the leaves are all changing colors, the air is crisp and just a little cold and it even smells good outside. The two nights that we have ran i can't help but think what a better time to come to earth, all seems right and almost perfect. We will see you when you are ready. There are many people here waiting for you who will love you and be there for you through out your life. I am sure there is a reason your sweet spirit is keeping all of us waiting. Until i have you in my arms i will just keep dreaming of you.

Love, 

Your Mom

Running and Hiking

Courtney and I have been running partners ever since it became warm enough to run this year. We even did two races together with the babies and have loved getting to be outside with our girls and getting a little adult interaction in at the same time. The poor girl has even put up with me being on a completely opposite running ability than her. She is post baby and well I obviously have been growing another one.

Our first race was the Main Street Mile. Some how we talked Teisha into doing it with us and we ended up running it in 7 minutes which is pretty good when you have stroller and have to make your way through a crowd of other runners.

Our second run together was very last minute and a cross country 5k. We both arrived literally as the race started and i was not prepared for it being cross country. We survived it though even at 32 weeks pregnant and pushing the stroller. Leighton was so happy when the race was over, she hopped out of the stroller sat in middle of the road and ate her grapes like it had been hard for her too. 

Once it wasn't too hot during the day we thought it would be fun to take a break from just running and start doing a few hikes. So far we have only made it to two new places but both were really great to do with the babies and fun for us.

Our first hike was at Red Cliffs which is the nicest little hike randomly off the freeway between Cedar and Saint George. It takes you back to a few little pools and when theres run off a waterfall, obviously no waterfall at the end of summer though. Leighton was amazing, she hiked all by herself until the very end when she made me carry her and she fell asleep. I love taking her outside and letting her explore. I honestly believe its one of the best ways for a child to learn and grow. I hope she will always love being active and will realize how lucky she is that she gets to experience so many beautiful places. I know i am glad i've been able to explore Southern Utah so much this year before we say goodbye.

I am sure this pictures look a little familiar. Leighton and I had already visited Zion National Park with my family back in July but now that the weather was perfect and the government was no longer shut down we just had to go back. I seriously wish i would have taken way more advantage of all the beautiful trails Zion has to offer in the past couple of years. We had so much fun visiting the other day that I hope we will go back before it gets too cold. So at 38 1/2 weeks pregnant i hiked my way around the park and this time Leighton would not hike on her own. Yes, i carried not only one but two babies the entire time. Luckily one of them made a good seat for the other. The leaves haven't changed yet in Zion but it sure felt like fall. The weather could not have been more perfect. We did the river walk hike that leads to the narrows and the weeping rock. Leighton was not thrilled when we almost got attacked by a squirrel on our first hike, but she absolutely loved getting to play in the water at weeping rock. She was so excited afterwards that she wanted to run down the trail almost giving me a heart attack. It was a good day for Courtney and I to get out and spend together before baby girl number 2 arrives. I am in need of getting all the adult interaction stored up as i can and the physical activity too. I am so nervous for the aftermath of birth when i will have to start completely over on getting into shape and feeling this good. Yes, now at 39 weeks i am still feeling great. Very pregnant, but great. Even though Leighton is so young, i hope one day she can see how much time i tried to spend with her and love her and play with her before her world was turned upside down. I kind of expect nothing to change and that all these things i do with Leighton i will just do with two now. I guess i will see how that goes but for now that is my plan. It really is crazy to think that this time next year our adventures won't be in Utah anymore we will be across the country and exploring completely new places. I am sooo excited but i know i will miss days like these as well.