Motivate Me Monday- Give Me Some Loving!

Last week the girls and I took a trip to Logandale to visit one of my oldest and dearest friends and her new baby girl, Quincy. All three of us were in LOVE. Like honestly Leighton kept looking at her and saying baby in awe and Emersyn, well she clearly just wanted to eat her up. I have a 7 month old and she made me baby hungry. To go through another pregnancy just to hold a new born again? Maybe. 

We also got to spend an entire day with Leighton's favorite cousins and Jessica. I think it was honestly the first time Jessica and I got to hang out all day together. It was amazing to watch all of the kids swim and us just get to lay out in the sun and talk forever! Emersyn lights up every time she is with Jessica too, it is seriously the sweetest thing. We loved our day with them and hopefully we will start to have more.

While we were in town my Grandma stopped by for a visit. Everyone seems to have a crazy grandma, well i do have a C R A Z Y grandma. She means well and is usually very loving but when your G Ma is not too much older than your parents, single, and 6 foot something with hair that changes between shades of purple and pink you cant help but tell the world that she is crazy. So while she is visiting Leighton comes in the room tired and shy, kind of hiding behind me. (I am going to explain this in the best possible way) Grandma leans over (remember 6 foot something and pinkish hair) shakes her entire body (thats a lot of shaking) with her arms out for a hug (thats a huge wing span) and says come give grandma some love. Leighton did not hesitate to give an OH SHIZ face and yell RUN as she bolted  down the hall in true sprinting fashion. Really, she could give some serious advice on form. Chest up, head up and arms trailing behind her. She would have flew away if she could. Luckily Grandma realizes Leighton is too, and was totally oblivious that the mumu she was wearing probably scared the girl half to death to begin with. 

Being back at my parents for a few days really made we feel loved and made me realize i need some more of that spread through out everything in my life. Sometimes i can be total downer and I am sure that person you avoid talking to because they only talk about themselves. For now on I plan on making things about others and showing some loving.

P.S. If you havent entered the giveaway yet, it is not too late. Go now and enter on instagram!

Dear Leighton

Dear Leighton, 

Today you have been so sweet. I am amazed everyday by your crazy spirit but today i was in awe with your sensitive personality. You asked me to hold you while we were shopping and wanted to help pick out a present for Quincy baby. We went to Logandale today and on our way we stopped by grandmas. You asked me not to leave you but cried for 10 minutes because you didn't get to see grandma. You love her so much and she loves you too.  On our way we stopped in Saint George to go shopping, in the first store you stripped down and put on a brand new dress. You always know what you want and obviously exactly how to get it. I hope you always know how to accomplish what you set your mind to. Driving into Logandale you got so excited. You started reaching to the window yelling May May! If only she was here. You miss her so much, i miss her too and she misses you so. When we got to Grandma and Papas you got a hold of Katie's kitten and carried it around like a doll. At one point you grabbed a picture of May May and held it in front of the kitten and told the kitten May May mission. 

Right now you are so in love with repeating words. You say tink bell, elmo, bear, cinderella, and just about any other word i ask you to say, those just happen to be your favorite shows. You love taking care of your baby dolls, reading books and cooking up some yummy meals on your play kitchen. Every  morning when you wake up you climb into bed with me and ask one of two things, gym or dudu. Today i could barely open my eyes so i rolled over and handed you my phone with elmo on and you tucked me back into bed. You are such a big helper. Just before we left the house today i went to get your sister out of her crib and you were already half way down the hall with her. I  still have no idea how you got her out of her crib but she sure was laughing when i found you two. 

You like to be the baby still. I wish you could be a baby forever. You ask me to hold you and you cuddle up in my lap. I am so proud to be your mom though and I love watching you grow. You are always asking questions, you really are so curious. You are learning to count and say your abc's. You are afraid of snakes and bugs. I am always amazed at how girly you can be. You love rocks and the moon. Tonight when we were walking in the house you saw the moon and said "hello moon, I love moon, hold hands?" You put your hand out and reached for it and then said good night. This melted my heart. How are you so caring that you want to hold hands with the moon? You are genuinely so sweet and sensitive. 

Today we met baby Quincy, Whitney and Braden's new baby girl and you had fun exploring the Bowerman home with Whitney's nephews. While we were there you went out side, sat on their porch swing and said swing too and patted next to you. Thank you so much for always including me in your experiences. I love being by your side when you have a smile on your face from something new. You showed off your baby sister today and would point out both babies every time you were near one. You called Emersyn Emma for the first time this week. I hope you always do. It is one of the sweetest words you have ever said. 

Before going into the house tonight i held your hand while you walked along the little brick wall. You wanted to balance on your own so badly. As i held your perfect little hand in mine i thought about how quickly you are trying to grow. If you must grow up just slow down. I want to remember every moment i spend with you, every hug you give me and every kiss i steal. You definitely drive me crazy sometimes but i want to be able to take in every new moment we spend together and i want you to always know how much i love you.

Love, 

You'r Mom

Tips For Traveling With Littles From A Pro

This weeks Link Up just might be the only one i feel like i am an expert on. Traveling with toddlers? Heck I have been traveling with my babies since they were born. Having kids was not about to slow me down. Granted traveling with babies may be easier than a toddler, they can't run away and they don't scream crazy things like your hurting me when you are holding them on a plane, but you can totally kick butt at it, i promise!

Make sure your trip is littles approved-

Basically we have yet to take a trip we couldn't include our babes on but we did plan things to do with them. When we go to vegas we aren't out walking the strip at midnight or staying at hotels with party pools. On our cruise we didn't go to any of the late night shows but that was fine with us. Where ever we go we try to find things to do outside or that are new experiences for the girls. One of our favorites is finding beautiful parks or places to explore. We almost always visit a park at least once to give Leighton time to play.

Be organized and know what you are packing for-

No matter where we go I plan out outfits, how many days will be gone? I double the outfits. A set for the first of the day, half a set in case of accidents and half a set in case of crazy weather. Then I plan wether or not i need to take the essentials with me. (diapers, food, etc.) When we went on a cruise i took jar food, pouches, diapers, snacks everything. When we go to cities, Seattle, San Diego, and Nashville I pack the bare minimum. Only enough diapers to last getting there and the first night, same goes for food. A great trick i learned to get me organized for our first few trips, put each day into its own ziploc baggy, outfit with backup and accessories. 

Carrier, stroller, car seat or all of the above-

I do not travel with out both my wrap and the stroller. So far we haven't had to fly with our double stroller but i wouldn't hesitate to take it at all. We have always dragged along the car seat as well. Luckily we don't rent cars very often but we need it in case we take a taxi (only use carrier styled seat) or borrow a car from a friend. Airlines will allow you to check both a car seat and a stroller for free when a baby (under 2) is flying with you. I check the car seat with my bags and the stroller at the gate. This is the tricky part and where my wrap comes in handy. I wrap baby/ toddler on, throw on a backpack. (I always use a back pack as my carry on/ diaper bag when traveling.) Push the stroller down to the plane and that way i have 2 hands to fold it up and your babe isn't running away from you. Ta Da genius right? 

Dont fret schedules and bring entertainment-

So this one time Leighton watched Pocohantas about a billion times in one week. I am not proud of it, but i was opening the Nashville store and I did not have time to worry about forcing her to sleep. Kids do not sleep well outside of their environment, its just how it is. They will survive a week with an upset schedule. I promise. When we go to Disneyland the girls nap if they fall asleep in the stroller. No way are we going to skip out on hours at the happiest place on earth so they can get a nap in. Same goes with all of our vacation they do get their sleep, believe me when they are tired enough it will happen. Just be sure to keep other forms of entertainment on hand. Movies via phone or iPad, books, coloring, small toys, snacks,whatever will keep them happy. This way you can plan your vacation activities and not be stressing what times to do what because you need to take a 2 hour break in between or be back to the room by 7 for bed time. 

Hope these tips were helpful! Traveling with our girls is one of our favorite things, really. We have trips planned for years to come. Getting out of your normal surroundings and experiencing new things is one of the best ways your children can learn. There is so much culture and life out there to explore and there is no reason to not include your littles while you do. 

Read other bloggers advice on traveling with littles here.

P.S. Go enter my summer go t's giveaway in yesterdays post.

Kicking Off Summer With A Giveaway

Since it is the first week of June i feel like Summer is really here. I don't know why but Summer is my favorite season, especially here in Cedar City. The weather is beautiful, the sun shines every day, there is always something to do and everything just feels happy. I have had my mind set on a huge summer vacation for awhile now, but instead we have decided to spend the summer close to home and you know what i am totally okay with that. So here is our list of things to do this summer and I can't wait to start checking it off! Do you have any fun plans for summer?

Summer Time List

play at the park// go on picnics in the mountains// take weekend trips to the cabin// hike all of the Utah national parks// teach Leighton how to swim// plant a vegetable garden// pick raspberries// run in the sprinklers// play in canyon creek// go to the beach// get a tan// go to disneyland// take our first trip to the zoo// host game and grill nights// run with the sunsets// enjoy the sunrise// go to all the town festivals// run in several races// watch fireworks// eat at the tiki shack// go camping// 

and most importantly... spend lots of time as a family!

Giveaway

Now for what you have all been waiting for! Lets kick summer off with a giveaway! 

Entering is easy, you can enter here on the blog or on Instagram, or both. The more ways you enter the better your chances of winning will be. 

Good Luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Summer Favorites

Summer is in full swing around here. FINALLY!

I feel like i have been waiting on these beautiful sunshiny days for far too long. 

Each week i will be posting our favorite summer "go to's" along with a few fun giveaways.
(check back tomorrow for the details on our first giveaway ever)

Enjoy!

All of the above items are found at GAP

P.S. They are having an awesome sale right now! Up to 50% off women and men's favorites as well as 40% off kids faves. Oh and there is an additional 30% off with code SUNFUN.

I am dying over the canvas totes, I feel like they are perfect for days we head to the park or pool and want to throw a bunch of randomness into one big bag. I also prefer wearing my shorts a little longer and it is so hard to find a stylish pair, well hello boyfriend color block shorts, and lets not forget these two adorable dresses. My two year old is in the dress her self stage and guess what she wants to wear everyday? Dresses!

Motivate Me Monday- Dream Weekend

Did anyone else have a dream weekend? We sure did. I honestly am pretty sad that it is over. Saturday started off with a super awesome Piyo class that kicked my butt and let the babes play at the gym day care. For some reason Leighton loves the place. Then we went on a breakfast and swim date with friends. Coconut, chocolate chip, ricotta pancakes are always a good idea! 

My little girls are quite the pair of fish. Leighton is way too brave in the water and i need to get her into lessons asap! Every time she thought i wasn't watching her she would run straight to the deep end and try to jump in. Thank goodness for awesome lifeguards who kept their eyes on her. 

After the pool and nap time i took the girls to the local nursery for "garden days" they were offering free little kid train rides. Leighton was in love. If it wasn't for the wind she would have rode that thing all afternoon. While we were there i had her help me pick out some new things to plant in the yard. What was her favorite plant to carry around? Beats. We planted everything together after church yesterday. It is so nice to be at this point in Leighton's life where she is taking everything in and learning so much. She loves to be a helper and its great because Emersyn loves to watch. 

This week I hope to have more moments like this with my girls. I am going to be posting a list of all the things we want to do this summer. I am so glad it is finally here!

Unwanted Advice

People love to give advice. It's natural. It seems like everyone likes to think that others should do what they are doing, but it's more that people like to feel helpful. If you have had a baby then you know this is true. If you dont believe me post a simple question on Facebook epidural or natural?" Or a statement "I've tried for 3 days to get my baby to sleep and it's not happening" 100+ comments I swear. When you are given advice you weren't asking for how do you deal? I'm not great at this, a lot of the time I laugh about it or I tell people close to me followed by a can you believe that, or it's crazy. Then I usually realize their is some help in the unsolicited advise that was given. When I told a woman from church I was pregnant I got to hear for 2 hours how to properly have a baby at home. With out a midwife. I never intended to have my baby at home and I still don't. The hospital is plenty comfortable for me. But I listened. 

Before Leighton was born I swore on my life the girl would never eat sugar, ever!  I was really good about it until the day she turned 1. Then it was too hard to be a helicopter mom and tell everyone around me not to feed my child and to explain that although fruit snacks seem healthy, they are full of sugar. The advice I was given... Don't be hard on yourself when your kid starts eating sugar. I heard this over and over again and everytime I wanted to freak out. Sometimes I tried to argue but it was always better when I listened. Now Leighton might not be the healthiest toddler on the block. She is dairy free due to allergies and making her sugar free made for an almost impossible diet. She obviously loves sugar just like the next kid. I monitor her intake but I don't feel bad when she eats it. That advise I didn't ask for, well it happens to be useful more often than you'd think. Be a listening person and acknowledge what is being said. You never know if you'll use it or not. Heck maybe I'll have to deliver my next baby at home on the toilet, you never know. By listening you save yourself an argument and fulfil the other persons need to be helpful. 

Check out the other link up posts here.

Timing

If you follow the blog then you know so much change has happened in my life and i have been feeling the load of it lately. I am feeling better, talking about it has been great and feed back has been putting things into perspective. Although my personal trials are small right now i realize, time alone can not heal all things but know that the Lord can. I have learned this lesson so many times and yet it still surprises me over and over again. Kaden and I have witnessed our fare share of trials in our short 5 years together. We have helped others who have gone through truly tragic events and have always thought of our selves as blessed. 

You may already know this, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. Before i became pregnant with Leighton i had a very hard time getting pregnant. I was really young when I went off birth control and assumed if we are meant to have a baby we better not do anything to prevent it. Secretly i wished every month that i was pregnant. I don't even want to know how much money i spent on those dang tests. My 19 year old self could not have ever known the beauty that the Lord had planned for me years down the road. I like to thank a very long time on Clomid and lots of healthy eating and exercise for my fertility finally kicking in but really i know it is much more than that. There was a point that i felt like giving up, after having a miscarriage, i felt like i had lost my chance and that being a mother would come much later on in life, maybe when we could afford more expensive fertility treatments or adoption. 

I felt like that was the hardest thing i had ever gone through, and probably still is. It was such a spiritual awakening to me. I carried a child that wasn't ready to come to earth, or maybe didn't need to. I felt angels surrounding me and The Lord's presence in my life so strongly. If i was supposed to have a baby it would happen on the Lord's time. 

Clearly i have children now. I have two beautiful miracle babies. A few months after my miscarriage I became pregnant with Leighton, I even was in a car accident during that time and was told i had lost her, I didn't. The Lord blessed us with her when she was supposed to come. Her life brought happiness into our lives and into others who needed it. During the time that i was pregnant with her Kaden and I were being prepared to be parents, we grew closer in a way we never could have if our first child was born. I was and still am constantly reminded of the Lord's timing and that everything comes down to following his will. 

Motivate Me Monday- Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day!!!

I hope you all enjoyed your three day weekend. But Most importantly I hope that everyone was able to take some time and reflect on those that have gone before them. The reason for this holiday is to honor those that have been lost, especially serving our great nation. What better way to honor those who have died than by living? This week this is what i am reflecting on and aiming towards. Hope you are as well.

Mommy Guilt- Feeling Over Touched

Do i feel mommy guilt? I have a toddler, need i say more? Oh and a 6 month old. That should pretty much sum it up. Mommy guilt i am sure is felt in different ways with every child and at every age. I honestly don't know if i ever felt it with Leighton until I found out i was pregnant again but i defenitly felt a form of it with Kaden after having Leighton, because of that, Emersyn is more of a miracle than you will ever know.

I have read several articles on mommy guilt just to make sure i am normal and so far i seem to be. I start to feel upset with myself when i wish i was working instead of at home, when i yell at Leighton instead of speaking with her calmly but firmly, anytime i have ever spanked her, and especially when i feel over touched. Sometimes i feel like this with Leighton and sometimes i feel like it with Kaden. It is a real thing, if you haven't ever felt this way then praise the Lord. Seriously. 

As a mom your body is no longer your own. I mean it is, but it is what you use to carry your baby, feed your baby, and put your baby to sleep with. It is your toddlers jungle gym and way of feeling loved. It is what you used to make your children in the first place, helps to keep your husband happy and your marriage strong. Not to mention its what you grew your children and used to give birth to them. Every thing you use your body for as a mom is so worth it and usually very intimate but can be overwhelming.

I had read about this problem before i ever had kids and knew right away i would be someone who had it. I am not a super touchy person anyways, i have a weird need to be loved through touch but only at certain times. I am not always a huge hugger and i am not one of those girls that ever held hands or linked arms with her sisters or girl friends. I do however need my husband to hold my hand, or kiss me when he gets home from work, or put his hand on my knee when we are sitting close. I have loved those things since we were dating. Now that i have children...sometimes anything more is wayyy too much. I feel like i am constantly holding Emersyn, nursing her or rocking her to sleep. If i'm not then Leighton is hanging on me begging to be held or carried around sometimes she even clings to my leg and won't let go. 

At least once a week i have a break down. I tell Leighton to go away, to go play, to watch a movie, do anything but hang on me. When i get to this point i have several things i do to make the situation better. I close my eyes, focus on breathing for a minute, then get on Leighton's level and help her find an activity she will enjoy until Kaden gets home (usually this happens at the end of the day). I love my daughter more than words can ever say, but sometimes i just need my body to myself. With Emersyn it is easier for me to just set her on the ground and watch from a distance. 

Now as for Kaden. When i feel this way and have had days where being touched is way too much for me to handle, then i need to warn him. Usually i tell him when he first gets home and asks about my day. If i say i nursed a hundred times and Leighton was all over me and i had to get her off, then he knows. In the beginning this was so much harder than it is now. Not wanting  to be touched caused a lot of fighting and hurt feelings. Lets face it men need intimacy in their lives, women do too but not always in the same way. When i feel over touched getting to the bedroom is the last thing on my mind. Kaden and I have figured out ways to deal with it though. We both love each other and want to show each other and the last thing either of us wants is for the other to feel like they aren't being loved and really you can not have a happy marriage with out touching each other. 

Now that we have came to terms with the fact that i have a real issue with this, we have figured out how to fix it. Sometimes Kaden gives me a break, he watches both of the girls and lets me take a bath, like a real one with out toys or childrem in it. I have time to wash my hair and even shave my legs and when i get out i have an empty bucket of touches to fill. I can put both girls to bed and let them hang all over me and not once feel a need to scream. This obviously works in Kaden's favor as well. And it is not that i get to take a proper bath, but more that i get some time to myself. To only care about me and not have anyone else needing something from me. I have found that going to the gym or on a run helps this problem a lot too. Again it is time to me, in my own space and I am not worrying about the girls. 

I have always felt guilty about this, and it has not been easy to try and figure out. It not only can affect my relationship with my girls but with my husband as well. It is one of those things that makes a lot of sense and that i am happy i know how to handle now, but that doesn't make it any easier or make me feel any less guilty over it.

To hear more about Mommy Guilt from other bloggers check out this weeks link up here.

Emersyn is 6 Months Old!

I cannot believe my baby is growing so quickly. She has such a sweet personality. I never want her to grow up. This little girl is such a doll. I am obsessed with her chubby thighs and bum but it turns out she is very petit. This girl has such a different little shape than Leighton did but she weighs a pound less and is an inch shorter than Leighton was at her age. This girl is only in the 12th percentile for weight! It seems so crazy to me that she is so tiny.

I love that she stills feels like a baby baby. She even lets me swaddle her still and she just barely moved into her crib last night. This sweet girl is a lot like her sister though, I think she is just trying to keep up. She is already crawling, sitting up on her own and getting into everything. By the time she is 2 we will have locks on every drawer, door and cabinet. Between her and Leighton nothing is really baby proof. 

Emersyn is the most mild mannered baby there ever was. She is always happy and if she does happen to get upset she can't figure out whether she should smile or cry. She loves Leighton so much and laughs the most when they play together. Emersyn lets her crazy big sister roll her across the living room, drag her into the teepee and even carry her into the backyard, all while smiling the biggest smile you have ever seen. 

 She has barely became interested in food and doesn't eat very much of it. Her favorite is kale puffs, she throws them all over the place and manages to eat them too. She isn't too fond of pureed food quite yet but sure looks cute with it all over her face. I love that she chooses to breast feed over everything else. It gives us more time together. 

Em loves blankets, and stuffed animals. She cuddles them close to her face while she sucks on her two right middle fingers. It melts my heart every time. She likes playing with things that move like wooden cars and anything little that she shouldn't have. Bath time is probably her favorite though. Her and Leighton could play in the bath for hours if i let them. With just a little bit of water she will splash forever, try to catch ducks and even roll around. 

I am not ready for this little baby of mine to grow up. Her sweet presents as a baby is just what i need in my life. She brings so much joy into our home that we don't know what we would have ever done with out her. 

A Personal Struggle

Sometimes I struggle with knowing that being a mother is enough. I know it sounds silly and most of my posts are about my daughters and how much joy they bring me but I tend to try and post about the positive. I have always tried to post about my life though. As I get more followers and my life takes new turns I don't ever want to stray from that. So here is how I feel. Here is what my fears are lately. Here is what I struggle with. 

In February of 2013 I started an easy yet exciting new job where I learned, gained confidence and molded new dreams. I felt useful and appreciated. Just a couple months later I began planning a new life to follow this job. It was all that I thought about. All that I worked for. It truly consumed me. Every moment of it was exciting and again I felt useful and appreciated. This past march as most of you know we, (Kaden and I) decided this dream was not meant to be followed. For so many reasons that I constantly question. I feel like I gave up on something I worked so hard for. In the time of a 3 hour flight my life changed completely. I went from always being in school, always working, having a partner and always being a mother to only being a mother. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I not only gave up my dream, but my life. I felt unappreciated and like I wasn't good enough. Maybe I just never did do enough, maybe i just always expected too much?

In the beginning I came home thinking of all the wonderful time I can spend with my children, with my husband, all of the time I can spend working on my home and working on new dreams. Until this past week I have done nothing but fight an inner battle. Maybe I have ppd, maybe I am not good with change or maybe i just needed something to tell me what I do is the most important thing I will ever do. 

Basically on the surface I know that there is no greater calling than being a mother. But when I let my mind wander, I worry. Should I be working, should i be furthering my education, should i so many things that it is draining and disheartening. 

I probably should seek professional help for how i feel some days, but for now i am setting myself goals. Daily, weekly, even monthly obtainable goals. I need to see progress in my life. Last night i sat on the couch cuddled to my husband and watched my daughters play together. They rolled and laughed and Leighton gave Emersyn kisses and Emersyn touched Leightons face. In that moment i was reminded that what i do is enough. That it is the best thing i can be doing. What would i miss if i made myself do more? I am blessed and I know it. I just need to remember it every day and every time I let thoughts of doubt take over.